spanking it is

When I decided to approach Steve that I wanted to have a dd relationship, we did a lot of talking about what we wanted.  Since I had read a lot of blogs, articles, and even a couple of e-books, I was able to lay out quite a few options - some I liked, some I didn't, but I wanted it to be his decision. 

From the very beginning it was clear that spanking was going to be the discipline method of choice, which was fine with me.  We both consider spanking to be an adult activity only. We don't spank our children.  We use all of the typical parental options - go to your room, removing privileges, grounding, etc.  Steve made it clear that he was not interested in using any disciplinary techniques on me that we use for the children.  "Your my wife, not my child.  It would be a real turn-off for me to do that."  Now please keep in mind that is NOT a criticism of couples who do use those types of punishments.  We firmly believe to each his own. We've only actively been at this for about six weeks, so who knows what roads we will end up traveling. For right now though, we are focusing on what we consider adult punishment.

After the whole Rock Band profanity episode, a blog friend e-mailed me the suggestion that Steve should make me wear a butt plug while we're playing as a "silent, hidden, but continuous" reminder to watch my mouth.  Much to my chagrin, Steve really liked the idea and has been rolling around other times when this technique might be useful.  We've never used them for anything but for very short-term fun in the bedroom. Mercifully there hasn't been any opportunity as of yet for him to try it out.  I'm hoping for now that if I do something wrong Steve will say, "a spanking it is."   

new level of punishment

Last night's spanking reached a whole new level of punishment. I have asked for increasingly severe punishment, and Steve has been steadily working on delivering it. This was the first time that my weight management goals/rules that I created for myself were enforced.  I violated all of them at least a couple of times. Profanity and procrastination violations were also on the table.  We had talked about that he was going to push more this spanking, so I was nervous about it.  My stomach flipped last night when he said, "It's time to go over to the office, get the implements, and we will walk over to the office together."

Walking over to the office together is a relatively new development.  Previously he has sent me ahead of him whether it is to the office or our bedroom to prepare myself for punishment.  Recently, though, he has taken up the practice of watching me get ready.  I find it makes me embarrassed and I feel shy removing my shoes, pants, and panties in front of him. It is a strange sensation considering how long we have been married and the hundreds of thousands of times he has seen me.  Then came last night..... I wished I had a picture of my face last night when he said, "I want you to get completely naked."  "What?!"  "I want you to get completely naked for this spanking."  I hesitated for a moment because I had this reservation that he was mixing sexual spanking with punishment.  "If I have to do it for you it is going to be at least an extra 20 with the paddle."  That snapped me back in focus, and I quickly began stripping.  "I'm sorry, I wasn't trying to defy you, it just confused me a little because it was new."  "I understand."  Whew!  "You look embarrassed to be standing there naked."  "Yeah, I am."  "Good.  Come over here and kneel and tell me what you're being punished for."  What followed was the longest, hardest spanking I have gotten to this point.

Prior to this the longest punishment spanking was about 15 minutes including some corner time in the middle (not counting any corner time prior or after).  This one was about 30 minutes.  He spanked me a long time with his hand at the beginning, then he went through both wooden spoons and spatula.  Out came the ping-pong paddle next.  After a handful of rapid fire swats with the paddle, I was just getting to the point where I was starting to wish he would stop...and he did.  Sigh.  "Into the corner, I'll be back in a minute."  As I was standing there my bottom began to burn.  I wanted to rub it the whole time, but instead I just did a quick rub because I didn't know whether I was allowed to or not.  Sometimes he tells me not to rub and sometimes he doesn't.  Now that I am writing this I guess that is something I should get clarification on. Anyway, when he came back he had me assume my kneeling position on the overstuffed chair for the punishment strokes with the 1/4" wood dowel.  He had gotten in about 10 or 12 stinging blows when it broke over my right cheek.  "You and your iron butt!  I didn't giggle this time I'm proud to say.  "I don't have my belt so I guess we'll have to finish with the paddle."  About 40 strokes later, he stopped.  He started rubbing my bottom.  "Is that the last?" I asked respectfully.  "I guess since you are even asking me that then probably not."  He gave me about 25 more.  He started rubbing my bottom again and told me to turn my head so I could look at him.  After surveying my face, he said, "You look way too calm, I guess I need to do some more. Count it this time."  He gave me 12 more, but these were so hard I thought he might break the ping-pong paddle. I got pretty vocal.   

"Well, Spanko, you probably need more to really be contrite, but your iron butt has outlasted my arm. That, I know, is the longest, hardest spanking I have ever given you, but you haven't even teared up.  I don't get it...you've cried over much less."   "Well it was definitely painful, but I could have definitely taken more. Honestly, I think the reason I didn't cry is because you didn't lecture me at all.  I guess to me it is just a spanking when you don't talk to me.  It is harder for me to emotionally connect that I am being punished. When I have a sense that you are disappointed by my behavior it helps me be disappointed in myself as well. The date night spanking is such a good example.  It was painful and sexy, but it had a tremendous emotional impact on me because I really felt from you what the effects of my behavior were on us."  "I understand what you are saying, but I'm not disappointed in you that you didn't lose weight or that you didn't meet your water goal.  I'm not sure how to lecture you on things that are your own rules."  "My suggestion then is for you to reiterate to me my reasons for wanting these rules and reassuring me that you are committed to helping me reach my goals and not letting me fail."  "I get it.  I'll incorporate more talking during spanking next time."  "Thank you.  You are really doing a fantastic job by the way.  I know this hasn't been easy, but I hope you are seeing the benefits of what we are doing." "I really do, and I really am liking the spanking sessions when it isn't punishment.  I'm not ever going to like that."  "God, I hope not!!! (we smile at each other) The goal is for neither one of us to want to go there, for me to be able to think to myself - it wasn't worth the punishment. It is getting there."  "I love you."  "I love you too." 

When we woke up this morning, he kissed me and asked, "How's your bottom?"  "Fine."  "No after effects?"  "Nope."  "Then I think it is definitely time for us to go ahead and order that cane and leather strap we were looking at."  "Okay, I'll do it today."  "Make sure you do and print out the confirmation for me to see.  You don't want your first spanking with them to be for procrastination. [grin]"  I smiled back.

Yep, we're headed for a whole new level of punishment.

I'll miss you spanking

Well the spanking that took place on Friday won't be able to compete with date night (which is currently on my list as the best spanking ever!), but it served its purpose.

When I woke up on Friday, Steve told me to get whatever had to be done at work completed by noon.  "May I ask why?"  "The kids don't have school today, so I have arranged for you guys to go camping tonight and tomorrow night. I need you home by noon so you can pack your clothes.  C and I will get everything else loaded in the van."   "That is really sweet, Steve, but I'm not sure I am up for it."   "I think you are.  You need the break, and you just mentioned the other day that you really wanted to go camping and hiking again with the kids now that it has warmed up.  Besides C is going to go with you.  Who knows how many more times she will?"  "You're right.  I'll do my best to be done by noon."  

If anyone is wondering why Steve wasn't going it's because he just recently had ankle surgery.  He hasn't been cleared to go hiking yet.  I'm the camper, hiker, backpacker of the family anyway.  I've been going since I was a very small child.  Steve never went until he married me.  It doesn't hurt his feelings any for me to go without him. 

The kids were in the van, and we were 99% ready to go.  "Oh, I just remembered something I wanted you to take with you, come on back in the house for me and I'll get it for you. Kids, you guys stay in the car, mom will be right back."   I was totally confused, but I followed him back into the house anyway. As soon as we're back in the house, he grabs my hand and pulls me to the bedroom.  "We can't forget your daily maintenance spanking.  I'll have to make it a good one since you will miss it tomorrow."  He put me over his left knee again and spanked me quite soundly with his hand.  I was still sore from the night before, so it didn't take a whole lot to get me wiggling.  He finished up with 20 hard swats of the paddle.  "Be good, I'll miss you."  "I will, I miss you already."  I got back in the car with my bottom burning and a smile on my face.  Fortunately, C was driving. 

We had a great time despite having to come back on Saturday night instead of Sunday morning, due to the weather.  I can't wait until Steve is cleared so he can go to.  I plan on taking him deep into the woods and let him spank me.  Now that would be a spanking that might rival my current number one.

public adventure

Who would think that a night out to the movies could lead to so much spanking fun?

We had a date night on Thursday, since our adult daughter was home (a rarity anymore) and decided to go see Hall Pass before it was out of the theater (hilarious by the way).

I'm one of those who is way too impatient to sit through the credits, but much to my annoyance Steve kept sitting there watching the credits.  "Can we please go?"     "Not yet."    "Why not?"     "I have my reasons, now stop asking.  I'll tell you when I'm ready to go."    "Fine."    "It is fine, now be quiet."   Tick-tock....tick-tock, everyone left except for us and the cleaning crew walks in.   " OK, let's go."   "Finally!"  Steve just shook his head.     

We're walking down the long, dark hall towards the door alone when...... WHACK     "Ooooowwwwww!"    Steve grabs me by the arm and WHACK, WHACK, WHACK, WHACK, WHACK, WHACK.    "OOOOOOOWWWWWWW!!!!"  "I was just planning to give you a little fun semi-public fun spanking, but you just couldn't be patient."   WHACK, WHACK, WHACK  "OK, I'm sorry! The cleaning people are going to hear us."  "I'm not sure I care."  WHACK, WHACK, WHACK  "Let's go."  

I'm really not sure I've walked that fast before, but maybe if I knew what was going to happen next I would have walked slower.  As we are driving home, he pulls into the parking lot of our business building instead of the driveway to our house.  He pulled around to the side where we normally park because it is relatively private.  At first I'm excited because we have stopped here before at the end of a date night to fool around in the car like teenagers, but then something different happened.  "Get out."  I get out and he gets out.  "Come around to the back of the car and bend over."  I'm shocked, but I comply, and the next thing I know my pants and panties are being jerked down to my knees.  "What are you doing?"  "You are so impatient, either I am going to be in charge or I am not.  Which is it?"   "I want you to be in charge."  "Then you could at least let me make a decision about when to leave the movie theater, couldn't you?"  "Yes, I'm sorry."  I was totally embarrassed because I knew he was right.  I heard him unbuckle his belt and slide it through the loops.  I don't know what it is about that, but every sexual synapse was firing in my body.  He proceeded to whip my bottom with the belt too quickly and too many times for me to keep a count, but it was  a lot.  I started crying hard.

When he finished, he turned me around with my pants and panties now completely around my ankles.  "I love you so much, and I really want to make this work for us, but I don't think you realize how much you undermine me on the littlest things.  You are doing great on the big stuff, but it is all these little things that make me feel like I'm not the head of our household."  "I'm so sorry!!!" I sobbed.  He began kissing me passionately at that point and we made love right there on the trunk of the car.  I don't think I have ever been so in love with my husband, or so enraptured sexually.

I have more to catch you up on, but it is going to have to wait until later because I ended up going out of town on Friday evening and just got back about an hour and a half ago. I'm exhausted, but I couldn't go to bed though because I've been dying for two days to post about our date night.  I still get excited every time I think about it, not just from a sexual stand point, but also because of all it represents towards having the dd lifestyle I want.   

oh the profanity!

It had been over a week since I had a punishment spanking.  I was starting to gloat over how well I was doing.  Ah, but pride doth come before a fall.  Want to take a guess at what did it?  No, not missing medication although that would be a good guess.  It was profanity.  A look at the rules/punishment tally page will clearly show that this is the #1 reason I get punishment.

It actually happened late on Monday night... I had a profanity punctuated tantrum in front of my husband and our adult daughter.  I am so embarrassed to tell you what it was over.  It was incredibly stupid.  Are you ready? It was over the video game Rock Band.  Yes, really.  A forty year old woman with two degrees, her own business, four children and a husband, had a temper tantrum complete with expletives over a video game.  Actually I am almost just as embarrassed to tell you that I play Rock Band period.  My husband and C really enjoy it, and it is a fun thing for the three of us to do together, so I play.  I always play base and alternate between medium and hard depending on the song.  Metallica songs always kick my butt, so for everyone's sake I play them on medium.  I was actually doing superbly on one that usually gets me even on medium, and we were almost at the end of the song when it happened.  There was a glitch and it knocked us out of the game.  Immediately the profanity flew out of my mouth, out of its own volition.  I had absolutely no control over it.  Really!  C looked at me and said, "It's ok mom, you'll get it next time. It has been a long time since I've heard you use language like that!"  "I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me.  That was just so frustrating!!"  Steve reached over and gently patted me on my bottom and said, "Let's do a couple more because no one wants to go out like that.  After that I think we should all go to bed.  It's late and we all have to be up early."  We enjoyed three more and then called it a night.

As Steve and I were taking a shower I could feel him looking at me, but not in the sexy way.  "Why are you looking at me like that?"  "I'm trying to figure out when and how I'm going to punish you for that outburst."  "Oh, yeah."  "I'm really tired right now, and I know you are too.  I know we won't have time in the morning except for a quick reminder spanking, so I guess it will have to be tomorrow night after the troop has gone to bed."  I just nodded.

Last night came and we were in our bedroom.  He sat on the edge of the bed and had me lay over his left knee with my upper body on the bed.  He then wrapped his left arm tightly around my body and trapped my legs between his.  This was a first.  I am normally over his lap on our big stuffed chair.  "Oh, I like this.  I feel really secure."  "Good."  I liked it until he started spanking me anyway.  Then I realized that I couldn't move period. It made the spanking hurt that much worse.  I didn't realize how much of a distraction the leg kicking and wiggling had provided.  All I could do is pop up on my hands.  Steve quickly forced me back down with the weight of his left arm.  I didn't cry, but it really hurt.  He started with his hand as always and moved on to the slotted spoon.  It broke...that is our first broken implement.  "Your iron butt broke my spoon."  "I'm sorry," I giggled.  "Oh, you think it's funny?  Well, I'm starting over with the regular wooden spoon."  "Nooooooooooo!"  "Yeeeeeeessssssssss."  Man, oh, man did that hurt.  He rubbed my bottom for a while after that and said, "I don't want to move you out of this position so I'm going to use the paddle. Count it out until I decide I'm satisfied." He only gave me thirty swats, but I was so ready to get up off his knee.  "I took it kind of easy because it has been a while, but your reminder spanking is going to be a bit harder and longer in the morning to make up for it."  I nodded.  "Come get in bed and snuggle with me."   I love the snuggling afterwards.

This morning he put me back in that position and gave me a hard hand spanking and then followed it with the wooden spoon.  "Remember to be good today!"  "I will."  "I love you."  "I love you too."

Oh, profanity, will thou please stay away from me?! :)

the gift of neediness

I have always loved Steve very much, but the sense of neediness I have for my husband is something I have never experienced until we started dd.  He was always the nurturer, always making sure we hugged and kissed several times a day, always the one seeking physical and emotional connection.  I have always considered myself fortunate to have someone so attentive.  Mind you, he still does all of that, but the dynamic has definitely shifted.  I'm just as likely or even more likely to initiate this contact now, where I rarely did so before. It was one of the very first things that changed, and it is a change that Steve has welcomed.

In addition, I find myself being super sensitive to any perceived displeasure on his part. Over the last couple of days I have cried over the simplest of comments that would have never bothered me.  Of course he has quickly responded to my distress by holding me and talking to me.  Of course we both recognize that some of that is purely monthly hormonal shifts, but not all of it.  I have been experiencing some of this neediness and vulnerability for a couple of weeks.  It is very scary to me.

I have always been a self-reliant, don't-need-anyone, control freak.  I am mortified now that I used to joke around with my friends during girls night out that if I got a dildo, a nanny, and a housekeeper then Steve would be unnecessary.  I used to say that about the love of my life.  I said that about the person who has emotionally invested everything in me.  There are few things I regret.  I regret letting those words come out of my mouth.

Needing my husband and being vulnerable is scary, but I never want to go back to taking him for granted the way I did before.  He deserves as much of me emotionally as he has given me. I am glad that dd has given me the gift of truly understanding how much I need Steve, how much we need each other, and how precious our relationship is in a world where good marriages like ours are too few.

my act of submission

When do I know that I have allowed the spirit of submission to begin breaking the hard shell of my soul? 

When my husband asks me Sunday morning if I would please help him clean our bathroom and my response is, "Sure, sweetie...I'd be happy to."   I'd be happy too??!!! Have I lost my mind?  I hate, despise, LOATHE cleaning the bathroom.  Of all household chores that I could possibly do...I hate this one most.  I was contemplating this while still lying in the bed while he was up doing other chores.  I could hear him in the laundry room starting a load and then in the kitchen putting away dishes.  In our household this is the norm.  While I carry the vast majority of the responsibility for our business, he carries the vast majority of the responsibility for our home and home life. That was part of my desire to have dd in our marriage.  I wanted him to have complete authority over our personal life and home, to give him the room needed to express his masculinity and to unleash my femininity.

I reasoned in my mind that it was the only thing he asked of me, so I should be submissive and do it without complaint.  I proceeded to clean the entire bathroom by myself.  I grimaced and gagged, but got it all done.  Steve was shocked when he came back in thinking I had fallen back to sleep to find that I had not only helped, but completed the chore.  "I can't believe you scrubbed the whole bathroom! I was just wanting you to help by cleaning up your stuff on the vanity and cleaning the sink."  "I know."  "I know you hate cleaning the bathroom, what possessed you?"  "Don't know...guess I was feeling particularly submissive today."  " Well that is fantastic! Think you feel submissive enough to help me fold some laundry?"  "It depends... are you asking me or telling me to help you fold the laundry [grin]?"  He grabbed my arm, spun me sideways and planted several hard swats to my bottom. "I'm telling [grins back]."  "Then I am happy to help." 

A  small thing to be sure, but it made me feel week at the knees to have him be so pleased with me. Hopefully I will fair that well when a serious matter that requires my submission comes into play. I'm just praying I'll be able to walk the walk.

I was wondering...

We have been batting around some ideas about where to go next in terms of behavior goals for me.  Steve has indicated that he will be adding a no procrastinating rule. I can't "wait" for that one. ;) 

The next thing I would like his help with is getting my weight down.  One of the medications I have to take sometimes causes rapid weight gain. Some of it goes away on its own once I am off of it again, but some of it stays.  I have to actively work to take the remainder off.  Over the last couple of years, I have lost my motivation to lose those extra pounds, and it has really added up to significant weight gain. The positive thing is that now that we have been using dd to reinforce my taking my maintenance medication the way I should, I am very hopeful that the need for this other medication will drop making my weight loss more permanent. 

I know from reading others' blogs that using spanking to encourage weight loss is often done.  I was wondering what suggestions you all might have in terms of the types of rules that might be beneficial to this goal beyond the obvious... losing weight at the weekly weigh-in.  Have you had any rules that seems to increase your success with weight loss?   

a happy month

Last night marked the end of our first month of DD.  I was so scared when we started out on this journey.  Would Steve really participate?  Were my expectations realistic?  Would it make a difference?  Steve and I are both very pleased with where we are at this point.  We have come a lot further than we thought that we would in this short of a time.  I credit that to all the other couples out there who have shared their journeys via blogs.  It really gave us the foundation we needed to discuss what we wanted and how we were going to go about it. We thank you so much for taking the time to share.  It obviously hasn't been perfect, mostly due to my control freak, perfectionist, impatient nature that wanted to go from 0 to 60mph instantly.  I personally really want to thank those who offered gentle correction, great advice, and encouragement in your comments.  I look forward to the many months and years ahead.

We are going to spend some time this weekend looking at the list and choosing some new things to put on it.  We feel I am ready to take on some more challenges; I haven't had to have a punishment spanking since Sunday.  The closet time in the morning and doing maintenance several times this week really made a difference.  Steve did add a set of 20 strikes with the switch to Wednesday's maintenance because I let the "b" word slip during a lunch outing with him and C (my adult daughter).  Steve said he didn't feel it was that big a deal, but for consistency's sake there had to be some kind of consequence.  I so appreciate his tremendous growth as a disciplinarian.  

From reading many of the blogs, I know there has been the occasional naysayer about domestic discipline, and sometimes it gets really ugly.  I find that interesting. Overall most people seem comfortable with the idea of spanking in connection with sex, but if someone wants to use it to make a positive behavior change there is something wrong with them.  All I know is that in one short month, I am much happier with myself, more at peace with myself, and more productive in general.  We are on the path and going to stay there for as long as we feel we should, regardless of what others might think. We are happy and that is what matters to us.

I love "good" spankings!

I don't think I really appreciated how great a good fun spanking is until we started doing serious punishment spankings.  Because I have had two good days since all that spanking on Sunday, Steve promised me a fun spanking tonight.  I got home from grocery shopping...

"Kids asleep already? It's really quiet.  "That's because I dropped them off at my mom and dad's after practice. They are spending the night and dad is taking them to school in the morning."  "Where is C?"  "Staying over at G's house, so that they can carpool to the internship day."  "So we have the whole house to ourselves?"  "Yep, so let me help you get the groceries put away so we can have some fun." 

The fun started in the kitchen with him stripping me down to my panties, then he instructed me to take off my panties.  He really likes watching me do it, and I feel really submissive taking off my panties for him. He began hand spanking me in the kitchen, but then fairly quickly we moved to the couch in the living room so I could lay across his lap.  He gave me lots of hard stinging slaps with lots of rubbing in between and his fingers wandering many times.  "We need to move this to the bedroom."  After he had stripped down and stretched out on the bed, he ordered me to go down on him.  I gladly obliged.  He had me position myself so that he could still freely spank my bottom while I was at it.  I always enjoy this because I know it will continue to be "stingy" instead of painful, because well he wouldn't want me to bite down by accident now would he?  I used to think the ultimate for him was me doing that while he's playing video games, but this has become a semi-regular event.  He really seems to get off on spanking me while I am satisfying him. When all that was done he said, "I have a surprise."  He produced three long 1/8" diameter wood dowels.  "I found these in the supply closet in the office. I know we have talked about switches and these are pretty whippy and flexible. I thought we might try them."  "I'm game...you've got me warmed up nicely."  I bent over the bed and he proceed with light to medium force spanking me with one, then two, and then all three... really nice burning sensation.  He would give me some hand swats in between which created a unique pain feeling I haven't experienced before.  He ordered me to touch myself while all of this was going on.  I was incredibly aroused so it didn't take long for me to turn into a quivering, writhing mess with satisfaction almost immediately following. 

We were both surprised by how quiet the dowel "switches" were.  When the fun spanking was over, I told him I wanted to experiment a little more with the switches in terms of punishment.  I asked him to apply the kind of force he would use if it were punishment.  I wanted to see if we could possibly use them when the kids were home, and he needed to get my attention without having to walk over to the office.  I resumed my position bent over the bed, but this time put a pillow under my face so I could stifle myself if necessary.  Obviously with the kids not home I could have screamed my head of if I wanted to, but I wanted to see how many I could take while keeping quiet.  When the switch came down this time it wasn't just a burning sensation, it was a line of hot fire across my bottom. I popped up out of position, but managed to stay quiet.   I managed to take 10 strokes before I couldn't maintain the quiet. It left a lovely pattern of red welts across my bottom.  I was also concerned I might have emotional issues with it because switches were often my father's abusive weapon of choice.  In the hands of my Steve, though, I felt no anxiety, so I am pleased and relieved.  We will add these to the arsenal for the time being. 

It was a lovely, lovely evening and a great reward.

my bottom is in parenthesizes

Steve was looking at my bottom this morning while I was getting dressed for work, and he started laughing. "What's so funny?"  "Your bottom is in parenthesizes!"  "What?!"  "Come here, I'll show you."  Steve positioned the large hand mirror so that I could see it in the wall mirror.  I couldn't help but laugh too.  Yesterday I had some small bruises on the outside edge of my right butt cheek, but apparently as time went by a few more showed up on both the left and the right.  They are about nickle size and they line up in such a way as to form vertical curves.  It literally looks like I have an opening parenthesize on the left cheek and a closing on the right cheek.  We're have no idea how or which implement made it end up that way.  "It really looks like there should be a message in between that says Spank Here."  "Oh, Yeah?"  "Yeah, but it will have to wait until this evening.  F asked me to come over early and help him with [a project - sorry can't be more specific]. I'm going to have to trust you to do your 10 minutes in the closet. I promise that if you have another good day there will be a fun spanking this evening."  "Great, see you in a little while."

I did well today at work despite lots of stress, and now I'm getting ready to go grocery shopping by myself.  The children should be in bed by the time I get home, so I think I'll have a great fun spanking to post about later. 

in case you were curious

In case you were curious.... yes, we had some unbelievably fabulous sex at 2:30am.  I teased Steve that I might have a spanking fettish, but he was a 2:30am fettish.  "Are you complaining? Would you rather me not wake you up?"  "You can wake me up every night at 2:30 if you can keep delivering."  "Deal."

Also, in case you were curious about the state of my bottom after getting two really hard spankings yesterday, rest assured my bottom is fine.  Steve inspected it for me this morning at about 10am.  "Dang!"  "What?!"  "Except for a couple of small bruises on the edge of your right butt cheek, there is absolutely no evidence that I tore your bottom up twice yesterday.  You must have an iron butt. How does it feel?"  "Well, except for a couple of spots that are a little sore if I press on them, which I am assuming are the bruised spots, it feels fine. The burning sensation left after a few hours."  "And to think I was worried." "Is that why you had me stand in the closet for 10 minutes instead of the 10 swats this morning?"  "Yeh, I just couldn't bring myself to spank you for even a reminder spanking, after spanking you twice yesterday."  "If it is any consolation, I thought it was effective, particularly when you just ordered me to do it without an explanation of why that instead of a spanking and just expected me to obey."  "I guess we'll see how effective it really is at the end of the day."  "True."

So if your really curious.... it is 10:00pm and I haven't done anything to earn a spanking. As long as I can keep it together for two more hours it will be a spanking free day!

twice in under 24 hours

It really hurts to sit and write this post.  My bottom is just burning sooo bad.  It is hard for me to believe that less than 24 hours ago, I was feeling frustrated over Steve's consistency. I will be careful in the future to think before I complain again.  I already wrote about my morning punishment, but I got punished again this evening.

Even with a sore bottom, I still lost it this afternoon. I was trying to get my youngest two children to an event on time. Steve had the older two for some quality Dad time.  They were really pushing my buttons, but I remained calm and got them out the door in time.  Then I went to start the car and found the gas light on indicating I needed gas very soon.  That was the straw that broke the camel's back.  I lost it ...........yelling, profanity, saying some really ugly things about Steve (because he had mentioned that he would put gas in the car).  I will say that I stopped myself by the time I got to the gas station around the corner, which is faster than previous tirades, but as I turned off the car I realized that my talkative, bubbly kids were sitting in stunned silence.  I immediately apologized to them for my outburst and making them listen to such ugly stuff and asked for their forgiveness (something I never did prior to dd).  They smiled and said they understood because they know how much I hate to be late.  "Besides," the older one said, "It's been a while since you have done that. You used to do it all the time."  I smiled while I was pumping gas, realizing that another one of my children had noticed changes.  The smile was quickly replaced with a frown, when I realized that I was going to have to tell Steve.  "Man, he is going to be really upset with me for making him have to spank me twice in one day."  We ended up being less than 10 minutes late, and I couldn't help but think that it hadn't been worth all of the angst.  

Fast forward to this evening.  After all the kids were in bed, including my adult daughter, Steve walked up behind me in the hallway and hugged me.  "What's wrong babe, I can tell something is bothering you."  I told him the whole story in graphic detail including sharing with him my fears of him becoming irritated with me for having to spank me all the time.  "First of all, I love you very much.  Second of all, I knew that when you asked this of me that it was going to be rough going in the beginning and that it would take a lot to undo these behaviors. Third, I think you and I have both come an incredibly long way in less than a month. Our children are noticing the positive changes in us, which was why you wanted us to do this.  The negative habits didn't start overnight and they are not going to go away overnight. Now that I have become much more comfortable and realize that I am not really hurting you in the long term the discipline is getting increasingly harder and will start to motivate you even more.  And lastly, before it gets any later, grab the box and we'll go over to the office."   "The kids are asleep, you really think we need to go over to the office."  "I think there is a possibility that C (our adult daughter) might still be awake. Besides you may get pretty vocal before I am done."  "Oh."

We walked hand in hand over to the office, and Steve watched me as I stripped off my shoes, jeans, and panties.  Normally, I do all of these things alone, so that was different and surprisingly embarrassing. Since we had already done so much talking about it in the hall, he had me get immediately in position over his lap.  He began swatting my bottom hard with his hand.  "You know it is okay to get frustrated sometimes, your only human.  You just need to find ways to deal with it that doesn't involve yelling and cursing in front of the kids. Oh, and by the way, I told you when J and I got home from baseball practice yesterday that I took the other car because we were running behind and that you would still need to get gas before you headed out again.  Remember?"  "Oh, I do remember. I'm sorry, it wasn't even your fault."  "Even if it had been my fault, talking about me like that in front of the kids still violates what we are trying to accomplish. Right?  "Yes, I'm so sorry."  This was the first time he has ever lectured me during the spanking, and I began to cry.  My bottom was still sore from this morning, so his hand was painful, and I was so sad that he was having to spank me again.  "I'm going to use the wood spatula with the hole now, instead of the slotted spoon. I know you're still sore from this morning."  "Thank you."  The spatula is much less painful than the slotted spoon, but considering the state of my behind it still really hurt.  Corner time was next as expected. He gave me a good four or five minutes.  "Get into position to be paddled. We're going to do sets of 10 until I think it is enough. Count them."  I started crying again before he even swung. He swung hard enough that I could hear the ping pong paddle moving through the air before it contacted my bottom.  I was sobbing out the counts. He paused for a couple of minutes after each set.  After the third set he asked, "Do you want me to keep going?"   I shook my head no.  "Ok, then this will be our last set, count it."  He made the last 10 really memorable.  I'm not sure whether the last counts were audible, it hurt so bad. He paused before the last stroke of the set.  He swung hard and made contact dead center on my sit spot. I yelled out.  He immediately gathered me into his arms and cuddled and stroked my back and bottom until I stopped crying.

"I really want us to do what we can to avoid this hard of a spanking as much as possible.  I've been doing some more reading (that took me by surprise), and I think we need to do some reminder spankings in the morning after the kids leave for school and work.  We have enough time before we have to be at the office.  I think we should do a set of 10 with either the paddle or belt every morning, until you are consistently going without punishments. That will be instead of the Wed. and Sat. maintenance too unless you end up still wanting those.  What do you think?" "It's worth a try."       

I love this man so much.  I am so blessed to have him. I am so proud of him, and how he has stepped up to this new role and is doing his best.  I'm going to get in bed now, because 2:30am is coming fast, and I know I'm going to get woken up for some middle of the night sex.  That will twice in under 24 hours too!! ;)

rrrrrrrrr......owwwwww!!!!

God my bottom hurts right now, but I'll explain that later. I went to bed last night totally frustrated.  Steve had told me that I would get punishment on Saturday.  As the day was slipping by, I assumed that he was waiting until the children went to bed instead of taking me over to our office (we're closed on the weekends, so we would have the place to ourselves).  Well midnight came and went, the children were sound asleep, he was engrossed in his video game, and I didn't get my Saturday spanking. RRRRRRRRR! 

I went and took my shower and got ready for bed.  It was weird because I had been dreading this particular spanking because he is becoming ever more comfortable with giving me harder spankings, but while I was in the shower I was seething.  I kept it together and went out to the living room and gave my husband a sweet goodnight kiss.  He came into the bedroom about five minutes later and said that he was sorry that he didn't give me the spanking he was supposed to, "I'm just really tired and couldn't give it the attention I should. OK?"  "Sure sweetie."  "Goodnight, love ya."  "Love you too."  He went back to the living room to play more Black Ops. I was having a secret raging, rebellious fit.  "Too tired to give me a spanking, but he'll stay up half the night with that stupid game.  If he's not going to enforce the rules then I don't need to worry about keeping them. Hmph."

When we woke up this morning, I had forgotten that I was upset.  When I feel him snuggled up against me with his morning wood tucked into my butt cheeks, I get too excited to think about anything else. We had our usual Sunday morning sex, and we're snuggling when he said to me, "I know you were upset last night about me not spanking you yesterday. I shouldn't have waited so long to the point that I didn't have the energy."  "I was upset....it's just when there is such a delay between when I have earned a spanking and when you give it to me, it makes it harder for me to connect the two.  It just makes me feel really rebellious."  "Well, we can't have that now can we? Go put your clothes on, put all of the implements in the bag, and meet me over in our office.  I expect you to be bottomless and in the corner before I get there. I need to take a quick shower, so that should give you plenty of time to think."  "Yes, dear."

After telling the kids that dad and I were going over to the office for a little bit to do some work (that is not anything unusual), I left to follow his directions.  I was in the corner for about 10 minutes really reflecting on why I was getting this punishment.  When he arrived he had me get on my knees as usual and after I confessed everything, he gave me a long lecture.  We both acknowledged that this needed to be a hard spanking.  He had me get on his lap and he began to spank me very hard with his hand. I've never cried before from just his hand, but I teared up this time.  He followed with the new slotted wooden spoon.  He covered every inch of my bottom. I went from tearing up to crying.  "Back in the corner. Don't rub your bottom." After a few minutes he told me to get on my knees in the big stuffed chair and put my hands over the back. He told me that I was getting 50 whacks with the ping pong paddle and I needed to count them out.  Wow! that really hurt! He alternated between each cheek and then on each third one right in the middle of my sit spot.  "Back in the corner. Remember don't rub."  He waited longer this time, felt like about five minutes.  When he came back this time he had me get back on my knees in front of him so he could lecture me some more.  Then he had me get back in position. I didn't know what was coming next, but then I heard him undoing his belt and sliding it through the loops.  "Count it out."  "How many are you doing?"  "I haven't decided yet."  I felt a shiver go down my spine. Down came the belt hard.  After 10 he paused and I relaxed a bit thinking he was done.  Down it came again. I started crying hard.  Ten more belt strikes and I was sobbing.  I didn't relax after he paused this time until he told me that was it, but to stay in position for a little bit. Then he had me come to him, he had me get on my knees for a little more lecture and some encouragement.  He had me get up and sit on his lap.  We snuggled for a long while.  My bottom is sore, and I'm still feeling it several hours later.  Owwwwwwww!!

fun, fun, fun

I got my first non-erotic "good girl spanking" tonight. I got a nice warm-up with his hand and then we played with all the new "clearance isle" implements.  The spatula with the hole had a nice sting - very pleasant overall.  The large slotted bamboo spoon came next.  I only thought I hated the old wood spoon.  This slotted one stings and burns twice as much. I was trying to roll off his lap pretty quickly. "Yep, we'll definitely have to put that in the punishment routine!"  Crap, Crap, Crap!!!! It hurt like crazy, and he was just doing it for play. I really don't look forward to what it will be like when it is punishment.  Unfortunately, I won't have long to wait, but more on that in a minute. The large regular spoon came next.  It hurt too, but about the same as the old one. He finished up with the ping pong paddle.  It was pretty stingy with minimal effort on his part.  Overall it was fun and exciting to experience the new sensations.

I will get to experience them for "real" tomorrow evening when he doles out my punishment spanking. Right after dinner my darling husband said, "I've been looking forward to the fun spanking this evening, so I'm going to wait until tomorrow to give you your punishment spanking."  "I'm getting punishment tomorrow?"  "I checked your medicine box. You've missed two doses since your last spanking."  (I know - I can't believe I forgot any either)  "Yes, you're right, I'm sorry."  "I'm also upset about the comment you made during dinner this evening.  It was disrespectful, particularly since you said it in front of the children. Do you know what I'm talking about?"  "Yes, unfortunately I do, and you're right again.  It was rude, and I'm sorry"  "I accept your apology; we'll take care of it tomorrow night."  Fun, fun, fun....not.

fun from the clearance isle

A friend of mine had warned me that once you start the whole spanking thing, you cannot help but to see things from a different perspective. I didn't realize how true that was until I was standing in the clearance isle of our local department store yesterday. Anytime I go shopping I take a walk down to see what kind of values there might be. One of the things that caught my attention were these sets of bamboo cooking utensils.  It consisted of a large round spoon, a large slotted spoon, and a spatula with a hole in the middle. Was I thinking about cooking when I picked them up to look at them?  No, of course not.  I found myself thinking, "I bet Steve would love to spank my behind with these."  Since it was only $2, I decided to throw it in the cart. "I must be crazy, I already hate that stupid wooden spoon he uses now," I thought, but they stayed in the cart. I was almost giddy with joy when I came across a package of ping pong paddles that were a buck because one of them were damaged beyond repair.  I guess the retailer figured what would someone do with one ping pong paddle - clearly he is not into spanking. I finished the rest of my regular shopping and headed to the checkout line.  As the bamboo utensils and ping pong paddle took their turn being scanned, I once more thought to myself, "I really must be crazy, because I can't wait to have him try these out."  When I got home I pulled Steve into the bedroom to show him my finds.  "Oh yeh, I like this larger spoon, it's got a nice thick handle."  Man, I have done it now.  "Hmmm, this ping pong paddle should be interesting."  He grabbed my arm and spun me sideways and planted two hard whacks on each cheek.  "Yeh, that stings, but I have my jeans on. I hope your not planning on swinging that hard on my bare bottom."  "We'll see."  Good grief.  We haven't had the opportunity to try them out yet because we have company, but I'm hoping....I think.....to try them out tonight.  I have a feeling I will stay out of the clearance isle for awhile after he's done. ;)

more punishment firsts

Wednesday night is supposed to be maintenance, but alas I earned punishment instead. It has been a couple of days since I have had a spanking, and for the most part I have been good. I've only used profanity once since the last spanking. It was after dealing with a very difficult employee.  Although I maintained my professional demeanor while handling the situation, afterward I drug Steve into my office so that I could vent.  As always, he patiently let me spill it all, then hugged and reassured me that my feelings were valid.  "And since you used self-control and waited until we were in private to let loose with the profanity, I'm going to let it go this time.  I really wanted to use some myself.  I'm not sure how you kept from cussing him out." I normally don't like it if he cuts me slack, but that time I really appreciated it.

The big problem is that I'm still struggling with remembering to take all of my medicine.  I've missed three out of the sixteen doses I should have taken thus far this week.  This is an improvement, but it is essential that I don't miss any in order to keep myself in remission.  It was a rule I put on the list, but it has become increasingly important to my husband.  He knows the seriousness of it, and he is beginning to see, now that I have to report it to him, why I put it on the list.  

As I stand bare bottom in front of him...  "You've been really good since your last spanking, but I am really concerned about the medicine. I know it is just supposed to be maintenance tonight, but I feel like we need to do a punishment spanking because this really has to stop.  Do you understand?"   "I understand."  Then came the part I didn't want to hear.  "Okay, I want you to lay on your stomach on the bed and put some pillows under your hips."

I'm going to tell you something that I'm not going to tell him; I hate that position.  It is so isolating to me, and I find it very difficult to stay still and submit.  Then for whatever reason my bottom was extra sensitive tonight.  I knew he wasn't spanking me any harder and certainly not any longer than he has before, but it just really seemed to hurt tonight. For the first time ever I was actively wiggling and rolling away from him, and for the first time ever he was pulling me back into position and holding me down.  "You need to stop, or I'm just going to keep going."  For the first time ever I experienced that sense of panic from realizing that I had no control over when he was going to stop. I was so relieved when he finally stopped and said that we were taking a break before he switched to the belt.  This was quickly replaced by surprised when he said, "Since there is stuff in your usual corner, go stand in the walk-in closet and close the door.  I'll be back for you in a minute."  I felt ridiculous standing in the closet (I won't tell him that either because he will surely do it again.), and  I started to cry.  I'm finding that I am crying easier during the spankings now.  I am assuming it is because I am releasing myself to experience my emotions more readily.

When he came back in he had me resume my position over the pillows.  "Since you are doing better with taking your medicine, I'm only going to give you twenty strokes of the belt, but they are going to be hard.  Count them out."  I managed to count them and stay in position, but it really hurt. Those twenty felt like fifty or sixty.  I started crying again as soon as he was done.  He left me alone for a little bit and then we went about our normal after-care routine, which at this point invariably includes sex because we can't seem to keep our hands to ourselves after a spanking. 

We talked afterward, and he stated that the disciplinary role is getting easier for him as he is really starting to understand the necessity of it.  It was a difficult spanking for me for whatever reason, but I am so happy that my husband is growing into his role more and more.

keep it up

Imagine growing up with a father who was an army drill sergeant and a preacher.  Structure doesn't even begin to cover it. Combine this with verbal, physical, and sexual abuse at his hand, it wasn't any wonder that I became an incredibly rebellious teenager.  I was hell-bent for self-destruction until I got pregnant with my oldest daughter.  That radically changed my world view. 

The fact that I didn't become an alcoholic, a drug addict, or disease ridden from promiscuity is due to having her come into my life. The fact that I have a college education and a successful business was due to me wanting to do my best for her.  She was an old soul from the moment that she was born, and she taught me so much more than I have ever taught her. 

Until Steve entered into our lives (when she was 8), it was me and her taking on the world.  Even after Steve and I got married and he adopted her, we were still thick as thieves.  When the other children came into our lives, she became such a fabulous big sister, often nurturing them when I was emotionally incapable of it.  She is in her early twenties now, has finished college and working on her career.  She still lives with us, having decided that while dating and finding her intended, she wants the accountability of home.

She is an incredible human being.  I often wish I could be like her.

Why am I telling you all of this?  So that you will understand the power and impact of what she said to me today while we were at lunch together. 

"By the way mom, I've been meaning to tell you.  I'm not sure what has been going on with you lately or what has caused the changes I see in you, but I wanted to let you know that I have noticed that you are different in a good way.  I know I'm not home as much lately, but I have noticed that it seems so much more peaceful at home. You seem so much more peaceful. I just wanted you to know that I really like it.  What changed?  

"Just been doing some serious soul searching. Women do that when they reach 40 you know." (a half truth, but truth none the less)   

"Soul searching is good.  And I've noticed that Dad's really been taking control of the troop (our pet name for the younger three children) too instead of leaving it for you to do. I think that is good that he has taken that burden off of you.  Well, whatever it is that you all are doing- Keep it up!" 

Can I just say I'll take a thousand more spankings if that is what it takes to get that kind of praise from my daughter?  If I ever doubt our path, I will reflect on this moment. Oh yes, we will keep it up.

a hard spanking

I have a whole new appreciation for the saying "be careful what you wish for".  Although I had said a lot here, I had not mentioned anything to Steve about spanking since the scratch incident. I felt that based on the excellent advice I had received from you guys, I wanted to give him space. It proved to be the right decision.  The children had gone to bed, and we were enjoying time together on the couch watching one of our favorite shows.  When the show concluded, he put his hand under my chin, looked me in the eye, and said, "We have some discipline we need to deal with, don't we?"  A little taken aback, I simply nodded.  "Go to the bedroom, take off your jeans and panties and stand in the corner and wait for me."   I'm not sure why, but I was very emotional by the time he came in. I'm guessing because it was of his own volition.

While I was on my knees in front of him in his chair for lecture time, he asked me to share why I wanted his discipline. Needless to say there was crying on my part before we even got started, but I think I was able to help him see my longing.  I say that because this was easily the hardest spanking he has ever given me.  It started as it usually does: hand spanking and then wooden spoon spanking while OTL, but they were long and hard in comparison to the past. "Would you like some corner time before we move on to the belt?"  I took it.  The tears started flowing again while I stood there. I was sobbing at one point.  It was pure emotion not pain, and I was trying hard to stop because I was afraid he would back down because he might think he was being too rough.  He did not give the appearance of being phased when he came back in and I was still crying a little.  "Hands and knees for the belt, please.  We are going to start with 30 and see where we need to go from there.  Count it out."  They were hard and relatively fast."What do you think? Is that enough to make you want to do better, or do you need more?"  I knew it wasn't enough, but my bottom was also hurting, so I was contemplating saying no when... "That pause tells me you need more. Let's try another ten.  Count it out."  Holy Crap those ten were probably the hardest smacks I have ever received in my life! I began crying again, this time both an emotional and pain response. "Well?"  "Almost" was my reply.  I didn't want more, but I knew that wasn't the point. I wasn't to the point of deterrence yet.  "Alright, ten more. Count."  Equally as hard except for the last which was the "you don't want more" stroke. As soon as I counted the tenth, I collapsed and started sobbing.  He sat back down in his chair and waited. 

After a minute or two, I got off the bed and went to him in his big cozy chair and he pulled me onto his lap and wrapped his arms around me.  I cried on his chest while he hugged and rubbed my back. When I stopped and looked at him, I had never seen him so pensive. I kissed his face over and over and thanked him with every kiss.  I reassured him that the crying was about my emotions, not my pain.  We spent some more time just snuggling.  "Well, I know you are going to want to blog about this so make sure you put back on your jeans before you go out to the dining room to do that."   "OK, but I'm curious, may I ask why?"  "You told me that your jeans rubbing against your freshly spanked bottom is uncomfortable. I want this to stick with you for a little bit."  Sigh.  You all told me to be patient, but you forgot to warn me about keeping my mouth shut! ;)  So here I sit giving you this glorious update with my bottom throbbing against the seat of my jeans. It is a strange, but wonderful, sense of peace.  Thank you Steve.  I love you.        

seriously?

Seriously? As you know, I went to bed a little dejected last night because my husband had seemed to have withdrawn himself from me.  Well, no more.  Anyone want to take a guess as to when he decided to reconnect?  That's right - 2:30 in the morning.  Seriously? I really wish I could figure out what appeals to him about that time.  I've also discovered that I shouldn't sleep on my stomach.  I got woken up with several sharp whacks to my behind.  When I was conscious enough to be aware of what was going on I asked the obvious, "What was that for?"  "Cause I felt like it," was his reply with a wicked grin."And there is more for you if you want, but you have to put your mouth to good use to get it."  "You're on."  I got busy and so did he.  Obviously this was a sexual spanking (notably harder than in the past), but I was just relieved to be connected again. The sex was amazing. Maybe I should pay attention to everyone's advice and exhibit some patience. I'll get it eventually, I promise!!       

what to do

Well, It didn't work and I'm trying to decide if I've made a terrible mistake in asking my husband for a dd relationship.  He hasn't touched me period (spanking or sexual) since the belt scratching incident.  There is a distance that I don't know how to bridge except for being patient and waiting for him to come to me to talk about it. Maybe I have asked to much of him.  Anyway, I'll let you know if anything develops.

craving attention

It is almost the midnight hour, and I sit here craving my husband's attention, spanking or otherwise.  He's busy playing video games, but I want him to play with me.  It is a vicious cycle - the more attention he pays me, the more I want. It seems strange that a 40 something year old man would be playing video games, but it is a stress-reliever for him.  He says the only thing that relaxes him more is when I go down on him.  The ultimate for him? If I do it while he's playing video games.  I guess that would get his attention if I did that now, but I'm just not in the mood.  Not very submissive of me is it?  Maybe I'll walk by him naked and tell him I'm going to bed now.  Wave my fanny in from of him and see if I can at least get a swat or two.  Wish me luck. I hope your evening is filled with lots of loving attention.  ;)

punishment glitch

Got my maintenance spanking this morning. He changed it up by whipping me with his belt 50 times on my bare bottom (lighter than his punishment strokes).  I wished we could have taken more time.  I could have taken a lot more.  Then I had my punishment spanking this afternoon before the children got home from school.  It was the same as the last one except the wood spoon time was longer (I made the mistake of telling him how much I dislike the spoon) and he had decided to do the 30 strokes of the belt continuously instead of in sets and to do them hard. Great!  That was going fine until stroke 13 when what was apparently a small rough spot on the belt put a small scratch on my behind and a couple of droplets of blood seeped up.  You would have thought from his reaction that I was hemorrhaging!!! It took me a little bit to get him calmed down and convinced that I was not hurt and get him to finish the job.   He did, but the strokes were lighter again.  Sigh. It is now my job to take some sandpaper and go over the edges of the belt to make sure they are smooth. I'm glad my husband is concerned about injuring me, but I really need more severe punishment to curb my behavior (I've already forgotten another dose of medicine, let some profanity slip, and got impatient with my children since the spanking this afternoon!!) We have a safe word, and I've promised to use it if I were ever truly in distress. Does anyone have any other suggestions that might help my husband become more comfortable with being more severe?   

today was different

I'm not one who ever does anything lightly.  When I considered asking my husband for a DD relationship I spent weeks reading blogs, internet articles, and books.  It is the control freak part of my nature.  I want to know what to expect and when to expect it.  I'm not a patient person either.  So that begs the question, why on earth would I want a DD relationship?  It is sometimes difficult to know what to expect - there is no "this is the way you do it".  As a control freak perfectionist, I want our relationship to progress as the rate I expect, which is the total opposite of the submissive role I'm longing for. It is messy, messy, messy.  That's what I need - messy, something I cannot control, but only be in the moment.  It is like gardening - in order to have a beautiful result, you must get messy first. You have to feel that soil squishing through your fingers. You have to accept that there will be pests and bad weather. You must acknowledge that you are at the mercy of the mysteries of mother nature.  This was the image I had when I named my blog. I wanted to get messy and watch us grow into something even more beautiful that we already were. A daunting task for sure. Only thirteen days have gone by, a small amount of time in the grand scheme of things, but it has been long enough to see the seed germinate and a tiny shoot come up. I mentioned yesterday that we had experienced growth in the spanking area, but that pales to what happened today.  Wednesdays are particularly hectic for us.  Steve plays on a city billiards team and the children and I have church obligations.  Today was really bad because things at work were incredibly stressful, and I was a walking storehouse of anxiety.  The maintenance spanking did little for it because we were trying to squeeze it in between these other things. When the children came home it became the usual battle royal to get them to do what needed to be done so that we could leave on time.  Usually my husband just gives me a hug and says "relax, they'll get over it", leaving me to actually deal with the situation. Today was different. Today my husband was my hero.  Today he took control of the situation.  Today he told our children that their behavior was unacceptable.  Today he took away their tv and computer privileges for a couple of days.  Today he made each of them apologize to me for not obeying me with alacrity.  Today he told me I was to take them to the local sandwich shop before church instead of the usual fast food because he's decided they need to eat something healthier on Wednesday nights. Today he told them they were to get fruit and milk instead of chips and soda.  Today he said to them, "because I want you to" instead of "because your mother wants you to".  Today I felt some of the weight slip off my shoulders.  Today I saw a tiny seedling popping out of the messy dirt, and I was happy.

Punishment Firsts

Last night was significant. For the first time since we began this journey, I felt punished for real.  The ritual has become more defined.  He made me get the implements he was using (wooden spoon and the new wider but shorter belt), told me to strip off my pants and panties and sit and wait for him in the chair he was going to use, got on my knees in front of him while he lectured me, and finally the pronouncement of my punishment.  I had asked him to push farther this time because I had missed three doses of medicine over a period of two days.  Failure to take my medicine as prescribed can have detrimental and even life-threatening consequences (some of which I have already experienced and my family has had to deal with).  Even though I had encouraged him to be more forceful I was still surprised when he announced it.

"I am going to start by giving you a good hand-spanking, followed immediately by a thorough spanking with the wooden spoon.  This is to deal with the profanity.  You will have some corner time and then we will deal with the missing medicine doses.  You know how serious it is for you to take your medicine.  I love you and I want you to remember to take it.  I don't like thinking that I'm hurting you when I spank you, but I hate the pain I see you in when you are ill even more. So to show you that I am serious you will receive 3 sets of 10 strokes with the belt - one set for each missed dose, and you will count out every one ."

Did I mention that I was surprised? Shocked would be more accurate.  I know some of you out there think that is no big deal, but it is definitely the most he has done to this point and represents real growth on his part of being the disciplinarian.


Then came the actual spanking.  For the first time ever during the OTL hand/wooden spoon spanking I was beginning to wonder when he was going to stop.  That wooden spoon is becoming something I dread.  It feels like fire ants are biting my ass (that's the only profanity word I'm allowed to use). I almost welcomed corner time.  Then came the belt.  I counted out the first set and he paused for a couple of minutes while having me stay in position.  I counted out the second set and began crying with #10.  It wasn't so much a pain response as it was an emotional one.  Since this was the first time I had cried during our spanking sessions, Steve said, "We'll stop".  It was hard, but I told him that I really felt like he had thought out a well-deserved punishment and that I should get the third set.  He delivered it, and I cried some more.  He was shaken by the crying. Our aftercare consisted of snuggling together in the big chair and me reassuring and thanking him for disciplining me the way that he did. I named the blog "growing with domestic discipline" and that is exactly what happened last night.