Last night's spanking reached a whole new level of punishment. I have asked for increasingly severe punishment, and Steve has been steadily working on delivering it. This was the first time that my weight management goals/rules that I created for myself were enforced. I violated all of them at least a couple of times. Profanity and procrastination violations were also on the table. We had talked about that he was going to push more this spanking, so I was nervous about it. My stomach flipped last night when he said, "It's time to go over to the office, get the implements, and we will walk over to the office together."
Walking over to the office together is a relatively new development. Previously he has sent me ahead of him whether it is to the office or our bedroom to prepare myself for punishment. Recently, though, he has taken up the practice of watching me get ready. I find it makes me embarrassed and I feel shy removing my shoes, pants, and panties in front of him. It is a strange sensation considering how long we have been married and the hundreds of thousands of times he has seen me. Then came last night..... I wished I had a picture of my face last night when he said, "I want you to get completely naked." "What?!" "I want you to get completely naked for this spanking." I hesitated for a moment because I had this reservation that he was mixing sexual spanking with punishment. "If I have to do it for you it is going to be at least an extra 20 with the paddle." That snapped me back in focus, and I quickly began stripping. "I'm sorry, I wasn't trying to defy you, it just confused me a little because it was new." "I understand." Whew! "You look embarrassed to be standing there naked." "Yeah, I am." "Good. Come over here and kneel and tell me what you're being punished for." What followed was the longest, hardest spanking I have gotten to this point.
Prior to this the longest punishment spanking was about 15 minutes including some corner time in the middle (not counting any corner time prior or after). This one was about 30 minutes. He spanked me a long time with his hand at the beginning, then he went through both wooden spoons and spatula. Out came the ping-pong paddle next. After a handful of rapid fire swats with the paddle, I was just getting to the point where I was starting to wish he would stop...and he did. Sigh. "Into the corner, I'll be back in a minute." As I was standing there my bottom began to burn. I wanted to rub it the whole time, but instead I just did a quick rub because I didn't know whether I was allowed to or not. Sometimes he tells me not to rub and sometimes he doesn't. Now that I am writing this I guess that is something I should get clarification on. Anyway, when he came back he had me assume my kneeling position on the overstuffed chair for the punishment strokes with the 1/4" wood dowel. He had gotten in about 10 or 12 stinging blows when it broke over my right cheek. "You and your iron butt! I didn't giggle this time I'm proud to say. "I don't have my belt so I guess we'll have to finish with the paddle." About 40 strokes later, he stopped. He started rubbing my bottom. "Is that the last?" I asked respectfully. "I guess since you are even asking me that then probably not." He gave me about 25 more. He started rubbing my bottom again and told me to turn my head so I could look at him. After surveying my face, he said, "You look way too calm, I guess I need to do some more. Count it this time." He gave me 12 more, but these were so hard I thought he might break the ping-pong paddle. I got pretty vocal.
"Well, Spanko, you probably need more to really be contrite, but your iron butt has outlasted my arm. That, I know, is the longest, hardest spanking I have ever given you, but you haven't even teared up. I don't get it...you've cried over much less." "Well it was definitely painful, but I could have definitely taken more. Honestly, I think the reason I didn't cry is because you didn't lecture me at all. I guess to me it is just a spanking when you don't talk to me. It is harder for me to emotionally connect that I am being punished. When I have a sense that you are disappointed by my behavior it helps me be disappointed in myself as well. The date night spanking is such a good example. It was painful and sexy, but it had a tremendous emotional impact on me because I really felt from you what the effects of my behavior were on us." "I understand what you are saying, but I'm not disappointed in you that you didn't lose weight or that you didn't meet your water goal. I'm not sure how to lecture you on things that are your own rules." "My suggestion then is for you to reiterate to me my reasons for wanting these rules and reassuring me that you are committed to helping me reach my goals and not letting me fail." "I get it. I'll incorporate more talking during spanking next time." "Thank you. You are really doing a fantastic job by the way. I know this hasn't been easy, but I hope you are seeing the benefits of what we are doing." "I really do, and I really am liking the spanking sessions when it isn't punishment. I'm not ever going to like that." "God, I hope not!!! (we smile at each other) The goal is for neither one of us to want to go there, for me to be able to think to myself - it wasn't worth the punishment. It is getting there." "I love you." "I love you too."
When we woke up this morning, he kissed me and asked, "How's your bottom?" "Fine." "No after effects?" "Nope." "Then I think it is definitely time for us to go ahead and order that cane and leather strap we were looking at." "Okay, I'll do it today." "Make sure you do and print out the confirmation for me to see. You don't want your first spanking with them to be for procrastination. [grin]" I smiled back.
Yep, we're headed for a whole new level of punishment.
Great communication between you guys! That is so important.
ReplyDeleteI have definitely found that tears are connected with emotions not the level of physical pain. Pain is a trigger, but I can take MUCH more in a non P scenario, and there will be no tears. I can be brought to tears easily if he says the things that trigger my heart. Our punishments are never more than 15 minutes, if that, but the physical and emotional intensity is very different. As we grow into TTWD we all make it our own fit, tailored just to us. Sara
ReplyDeleteStormy - We are very fortunate. Talking with one another has always been easy for us. The challenge comes in because he's very right-brained so he doesn't always remember our conversations in the order they occurred. We'll probably have this conversation a couple of more times before it sticks.
ReplyDeleteSara - We have been enjoying figuring out what is working and what's not. We were trying to decide between more time or more severe implements. We decided to try more time first. We liked the longer time, but it ended up feeling more like a really good maintenance to me. So more severe implements it is. I really don't know what TTWD stands for. I'm only familiar with DD, CDD, and LDD. Can somebody enlighten me?
Basically, TTWD means "that thing we do" or similar words. I've never been comfortable with the term, but it's hard to use a term that no one objects to.
ReplyDeleteI would totally agree with Sara that crying is really related to the level of emotion, not the level of pain. Also, the level of pain varies depending on how your body is doing at a particular time. The same level of punishment can be very painful one day and not phase you the next. I like what you told Steve about tapping into why you wanted specific limits. That really gets to the point.
Finally: "I wanted to rub it the whole time, but instead I just did a quick rub because I didn't know whether I was allowed to or not." You know the answer to this one! If you are asking the question then you know what he wants you to do. And if you know what he wants you to do, then you know that not doing it is being bad. And you know that when you're bad you deserve to be punished. I "hate" to be the one to break it to you!
Rich Person - Thank you. I feel a little sheepish considering the phrase "that thing we do" is right on Sara's blog. Talk about not putting 2 and 2 together! It makes sense to me since spanking relationships run a very wide spectrum and it is more generic. I know for certain that the crying is 100% connected to my emotions. We haven't even come close to touching my limits, but I have noticed some fluctuation to how painful I feel it is. And no, I didn't know what he wanted me to do. I was honest, I told him when he came back into the room that I did a quick rub, he just shrugged his shoulders. We talked about some of this last night after maintenance, and I shared with him that I would like it to be more clear cut about when I can rub. He revealed that he is a little conflicted because he knows that me rubbing is comforting but at the same time he gets turned on by watching me rub my sore behind while I'm in the corner. He's just not sure what he wants, hence the ambiguity. As of now, I have permission to rub unless he specifically tells me not to.
ReplyDeleteWell, there you go. Everyone's a bit different. I can assure you that I wouldn't let you rub without permission. (I guess he came to the same conclusion.) But, if I liked watching you, then I'd ORDER you to rub for me so that I could watch.
ReplyDeleteI just think that in general if you are wondering if it's okay, then it's not okay unless you get permission. The idea of obedience is to obey, and when you're given specific instructions to do something then that's exactly what you should to. Doing other things without getting permission is not obeying.
That would be the case while you're being disciplined. You were sent to the corner, so that's what you should be doing if you are obeying.
Naturally, every situation is unique and I find that how much latitude I give a particular submissive depends on a lot of factors, including who they are and where they are in their process. So, I don't mean there are any hard and fast rules, of course. But I do find that submissives know instinctively how much attention their dom is paying and measure them a bit based on that. So, I tend to error on the side of being very specific, because it's better for them to believe that I'm paying attention but choose not to punish them than it is for them to think I'm missing things.
That's just perspective, I guess.
At least now you know he's watching. Poor girl in the corner, rubbing her butt! I bet she got it good.
I see what you were trying to say. You're right. If I was being truly submissive I should have waited until after that spanking to get clarification from him, instead of doing it and then telling him about it. We are still infants in the process and these are such different roles for each of us then who we are normally. I always enjoy hearing from your perspective. Thanks :)
ReplyDeleteTake it from an old timer. The fun part is the part where you're learning!
ReplyDelete