tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34808810453158771512024-03-19T00:12:22.365-04:00growing with domestic disciplineJWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09848056143866645957noreply@blogger.comBlogger77125truetag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3480881045315877151.post-23228620642735575052011-08-06T00:41:00.000-04:002011-08-06T00:41:33.829-04:00peaceful reconnection<span style="font-size: large;">If you have been married for any length of time, then it will have happened to you...the craziness of life and the distance with your spouse that it sometimes creates.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">First I got really sick, then Steve did. One of our key employees tells us that he is going to require surgery and medical treatment that is going to keep him out for twelve to sixteen weeks. We're very worried about him and worried about surviving without him while he's out. My mother ends up having a personal emergency that I had to leave for a couple of days to take care of and rush back in time to take my thirteen year to the airport for an event she was attending in Michigan. Then we had two more to get packed up for summer camp for a week. Then we had two crucial business deadlines to meet. This combined with a few more situations all occured in the span of eleven days. The only words to describe it were crazy and chaotic. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Needless to say that despite having the house completely to ourselves on night of the eleventh day, we might have just as well been on different planets for as much interest as we had in each other. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">"Wow, the distance is palpable."</span><br />
<br />
<em><span style="font-size: large;">"Yeh, it is. Let's get a good night's sleep, and we'll work on it over the weekend."</span></em><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">We spent the next couple of days talking, snuggling, kissing, and finally making love. It wasn't until we were really reconnected that Steve asked if I would like some maintenance. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">He pulled out my absolute favorite...his belt. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">It was a fantastic session although it was more difficult to tolerate after two weeks of nothing. Steve could tell so he switched back and forth between his belt and his hand. He rubbed my bottom a lot more too. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">What was interesting to me was that the resumption of our dd lifestyle was the result of our peaceful reconnection and not the other way around. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I know there are critics who think that dd or variations thereof are a sign or symptom of a disfunctional relationship, and as with everything I'm sure there are some those out there. </span><span style="font-size: large;">However, I do think that Steve and I are a good example of how it is a reflection of a healthy marriage that is being enhanced, and there are numerous other blogs out there that demonstrate the same. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">It is a relief for me to know that even if we stopped dd tomorrow, we still have the skills to heal the chasms when they occur. That's important because life will continue to be crazy and stretch us in every direction imaginable. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I hope, though, that we don't stop, because I sure do enjoy the warmth in my heart [and other places ;) ] that comes from a warm bottom! </span>JWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09848056143866645957noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3480881045315877151.post-38131009014523367172011-07-17T21:51:00.000-04:002011-07-17T21:51:16.685-04:00when perfection ends<span style="font-size: large;">All has been quiet on the western frontier, but as we all know, perfection can't last forever, no matter how much we wish it would. Even in the most perfect of circumstances, perfection fails us. For example...</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Last night not only did I have some transition time, but I had the house completely to myself for several hours (that's incredibly rare). The children were all spending the night at their friends' respective homes. Steve went over to a friend's house to help him put together some furniture. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Before he left he said<i>, "We're going to have some fun when I get home. I'm going to take advantage of being able to spank you and make love to you anywhere in the house I want." </i></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">"Yeh, right."</span><br />
<br />
<i><span style="font-size: large;">"Why are you saying it like that."</span></i><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">"Because you know darn good and well that you will end up staying over there longer than you intend. It will be late when you get home and one or both of us will be too tired to do anything."</span><br />
<br />
<i><span style="font-size: large;">"Not this time."</span></i><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">"We'll see."</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">He kissed me in a demanding and urgent kind of way and headed out the door.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I was asleep on the couch when he got home at one in the morning, an hour and a half later than he told me he would be. I woke up as he was coming through the door.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">"Told you," were the first words out of my mouth.</span><br />
<br />
<i><span style="font-size: large;">"It did take longer than I thought it would, but I'm not too tired to bend you over the couch to heat up your bottom and then have my way with you, and you clearly have been sleeping so I'm sure you can manage it as well, right?"</span></i><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">"Yeh, I guess." It was not the friendliest of tones. </span><br />
<br />
<i><span style="font-size: large;">"Your attitude is starting to irritate me. You'd better go strip before I decide to dole out some punishment."</span></i><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">"Whatever." Yes, that included some serious eyeball rolling. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Now don't ask me why I was having an attitude issue. I'm not sure what was wrong with me. I think that because this is still all relatively new to us that I sometimes forget too quickly that Steve is perfectly capable now of truly punishing me. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I came back out to the living room naked to find Steve standing there with the lexan paddle and loopy johnny in his hands. I knew instantly that I was in serious trouble.</span><br />
<br />
<i><span style="font-size: large;">"I'm not sure what your problem is, but I'm fixing it right now. Bend over the arm of the couch now."</span></i><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">He wore me out with the lexan paddle. I don't know how many times it was because I was too busy crying and yelling "owwww" to count. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"So, do you think it is 'whatever' now? Do you agree I am up to the task of punishing you when it is needed?"</i></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">"Ye......e.........s," said I with tears and snot on my face and hiccuping all the while.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"Well I'm going to give you ten with the loopy johnny to be sure." </i></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">My only saving grace is that our loopy johnny is leather as opposed to rubber, otherwise I think I would have been loud enough for the neighbors that are almost a kilometer away to have heard me. The implement itself may be quiet, but I sure wasn't!</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">As soon as he was done, he sat on the couch and had me sit snuggled up next to him. He rubbed my back until I stopped crying and was able to breathe with making shuttering noises. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">He turned to me and embraced my face with both of his hands. After kissing me tenderly, he asked, <i>"I really would like to get back to the original plan of making love to you anywhere besides the bedroom. Are you okay with that?"</i></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I smiled and nodded and..... well the rest I'm going to keep to myself. Let's just say that I have a smile on my face that will probably be there for days. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Who needs perfection anyway? ;) </span>JWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09848056143866645957noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3480881045315877151.post-75411086756819967822011-07-08T22:43:00.000-04:002011-07-08T22:43:14.272-04:00A Good Week<span style="font-size: large;">It is always good when a plan works the way you hope. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Steve's idea for transition time has really made a difference for us. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Knowing that I have that time to look forward to has helped me feel less stressed at work. Having the time has also helped me feel more peaceful at home and to relish the change from dominant to submissive each day. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Each day has been a little different, but the components have remained the same. I spend about fifteen minutes by myself doing absolutely nothing but sit or lay down, close my eyes, and breathe deeply. This is followed by my act of submission. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">If it is corner time then it is only about five to ten minutes. If Steve decides it is a butt plug day then he comes in and has me strip and he puts it in. It stays in until he says otherwise. If it extends beyond my transition time then I am to dress and continue with my evening as if it isn't there.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">You haven't lived until you are sitting at the dining room table helping your child with math homework with a butt plug in your rear!</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">My favorite day was actually this past Saturday. I had worked that day (which is very rare as I usually don't for religious reasons), and when I got home it was a beautiful afternoon. I texted Steve to let him know that I was going to the porch swing in front of the shed instead of coming into the house for transition time. I received back a text that said, <i>"That's perfect, I'll meet u out there in a little while."</i></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Steve joined me after about ten minutes, and we continued to swing while we snuggled.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"I have a surprise for you."</i></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">"You do?"</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"Guess what came in today."</i></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">"The Loopy Johnny?" (We had ordered one from <a href="http://www.thelondontanners.com/">The London Tanners</a>) </span><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhP8xQzBSSM01UM175wQInxyue_B2ggFxK6L_EHHqxNVdLn9OaHsxCAzhwZUm5UNOhyJMOAFQaJR6Wa2iozP9W9gcBbp2PID1v-3IKw7O0pLVZHf7PD4rewdXwr_rhwgXxjS4fkN_hwQZs/s1600/LoopyJohnny-300x168.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhP8xQzBSSM01UM175wQInxyue_B2ggFxK6L_EHHqxNVdLn9OaHsxCAzhwZUm5UNOhyJMOAFQaJR6Wa2iozP9W9gcBbp2PID1v-3IKw7O0pLVZHf7PD4rewdXwr_rhwgXxjS4fkN_hwQZs/s1600/LoopyJohnny-300x168.jpg" /></a></div><i></i><span style="font-size: large;"><i> </i><i> </i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"> <i>"Yep. It is hanging in the shed. I was actually thinking about trying it out when you got home. Then you decided to come out to the swing. It seems like the perfect opportunity."</i></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">"Where are the kids?" </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i> </i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"[The eldest] took them to see a movie. They'll be gone for at least another hour. What do you say? Should we have a little fun and get maintenance done too?"</i></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">"Sounds good, but do we have to go in the shed? It's going to be hot in there this time of day."</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i> </i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"Actually, I was thinking right here."</i></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Although you can see the front of our house from the street the rest of the property is very private.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">"Okay, I'm game."</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"Great! You strip while I go get it."</i></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I'd read from others that the loopy johnny was something else, but I was surprised by the intensity of it. Overall, we both like it. It is quiet in comparison to the strap. I have a feeling it will be used often. <i> </i> <i> </i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Between the transition time and the almost daily maintenance spankings, I have to say that it has been a good week. I have been feeling almost euphoric. However, I'm bracing myself for the fact that in real life things don't stay blissful forever. There will be a bump in the road, so I'm just going to appreciate the good while it lasts.</span>JWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09848056143866645957noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3480881045315877151.post-38103527240082002402011-06-29T23:52:00.000-04:002011-06-30T01:38:42.160-04:00a shameful moment<span style="font-size: large;">As embarrassing as my last post was, this one is shameful. Sorry, there is no humor to this one. It was a dark moment for me. I got my rear end tore up yesterday, and I totally deserved it. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">My stress levels just stay incredibly high these days, and I was really on edge when I got home yesterday. I felt like I was going to pop out of my skin. I immediately lit into my children when I walked through the door because they had not done their chores. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Steve, who had come home about fifteen minutes before me, immediately intervened. <i>"Julia, that's my job, and I will handle it. Go in our room and rest for a bit." </i></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">"I don't need you to handle it! I'm perfectly capable of handling it. The children always did their chores when I was in charge!" [Yes, I was yelling.]</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Does anyone have deja vu? I should have. Steve and I just played out this almost same exact scene a little over a week ago. How come I didn't remember the outcome of that?</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"Kids, I need you to go in your rooms right now, and don't leave it until I tell you to."</i> [calm, but with steel in it]</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">As soon as the kids were out of sight, he grabbed me by the arm and practically dragged me out the door.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">"Let me go right now!" [I'm pretty much screaming at this point.]</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"I don't think so."</i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i> </i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">"Noooo, I am not going back over to the office!!!!"</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i> </i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"Fine, we'll go this way!"</i></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">He swung me around and started heading to the back of the property... straight for the shed.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i> </i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">"Noooooooooooooooooooooo!" I dug my heels in as best I could.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"Julia, you are going to start cooperating right now, or so help me G-d I, I... I don't know what I'm going to do." </i> </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Steve let go of my arm and stood looking incredibly sad in the middle of our yard. I stood there on the verge of tears. I was so overwrought at this point.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"Julia, I don't want to spank you against your will, but at the same time I don't want this behavior to carry on. I feel like I am between a rock and a hard place and that you put me there. You desperately need a spanking. You are going to sit on the porch swing in front of the shed. When you are ready to submit to the spanking, you come get me. I'm going back inside to decide what we're having for dinner. Do not come back into the house until you've got it together!"</i></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">"You're trying to tell me that I can't come into the house that I f*&%$ng pay for? F&%$ you!!!" </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I tried to storm back to the house. Steve picked me up and while I was kicking, cussing, and hitting him, he carried me to the shed. He sat us both down on the swing with him keeping an iron grip on me.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">He held me until I stopped my temper tantrum. I started crying, and I didn't think I was ever going to stop. Steve rubbed my back for what seemed like an eternity. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">When the sobs slowed down to shuttered breathing, Steve leaned in and said, <i>"Feeling better?" </i>I nodded.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"Let's go in the shed." </i></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">This time I followed him in. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"Strip." </i>I started crying softly and took off all of my clothes.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"Do you understand why I pulled you out of the house?" </i></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">"Yes."</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"Do you understand why I didn't want you to go back in?" </i></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">"Yes."</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"Do you understand how much you hurt me just now?" </i></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">"Yesssssss. I'mmm sorrrrrrry!!!" I was wailing at this point.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"I'm a grown man, I love you, and I'll get over it. The children are a different story. I know that you are incredibly stressed right now. I do not want you to look back and realize that you have taken it out on your children. You are coming dangerously close to being flat out verbally abusive. I would even venture that you are being verbally abusive to me. I know you don't want that."</i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i> </i> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">"No.....I..... don't." [Lots of sobbing and sniffling in between] <i> </i></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"I've been thinking about this and I think part of the problem is that most people have some type of commute between work and home that gives them time to decompress. You just have to walk across the street. With the level of stress you have you need more than that. From now on I want you to walk straight to our bedroom as soon as you get home and for you to lie down, or do some deep breathing, or do some yoga stances. I'm going to instruct the children that they are not to disturb you, but are to come to me if they need something until "mom rest time" is over. I think a minimum of twenty minutes is needed, possibly as much as thirty. I also think that in our situation an act of submission is needed during that time as well to help you make the shift from the leader to the follower. Some corner time at the end or time with a butt plug, something to help you make the mental shift. Are you willing to try that?"</i></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">"Yes."</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"Good, because I never, and I mean never want to have to spank you like I'm going to spank you now ever again. Bend over and put your hands on the shelf."</i></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I heard him pull his belt loose, and he struck my bottom and the back of my thighs repeatedly. I sobbed, I kept popping up, and I said I was sorry. I was almost to the point of using my safe word when he stopped and picked up the board he used to spank me a while back.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">"Nooooo, please don't!" </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"I want this to stick this time. We are going to do five, and I want you to say 'I will take time to let go of my stress'. Do you understand?"</i></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">"Yes."</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i> </i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Those were the five most painful swats I have ever had in my entire life. Steve helped me redress, used a clean shop towel to wipe off my face, and we went back out to the swing. I laid curled up on my side with my head on his lap because I couldn't sit. He ordered pizza on his cell, and we walked back to the house. He made me go lie in bed until the pizza came and then we ate dinner and played a board game with the kids. When the kids went to bed, he made me go too. He joined me so that he could snuggle and comfort me until I went to sleep.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Needless to say I have a few marks on my behind today, but I feel light as a feather. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">As soon as I got home today I went straight to our room. There was a note on the pillow that said <i>"Relax in whatever manner you feel will work for you, but before you come out I want you to take off your work clothes, put on something comfortable and spend five full minutes in the corner. I love you more than you can possibly imagine." </i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i> </i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I followed my beloved HoH's instructions to the letter, and I enjoyed one the most relaxing and wonderful evenings with my family that I have had for a long time.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I apologize for the length of this post, but it was such a milestone event that I needed to record it thoroughly for myself.</span>JWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09848056143866645957noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3480881045315877151.post-19051687520628016112011-06-26T20:24:00.000-04:002011-06-26T20:24:02.384-04:00not our fantasy<span style="font-size: large;">"Are you sure that you want me to blog about this?" </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"Why not? It is gross and kind of funny. It just goes to show that in real life things don't always go the way you fantasize, and that's okay."</i></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">"I would just as soon forget it myself." </span><br />
<br />
<i><span style="font-size: large;">"It is a part of our story. Besides I promise one day we will look back on it and laugh our heads off."</span></i><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">"The look on your face was comical."</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"That's the spirit!"</i></span><br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">So I blame the following story on Audra <a href="http://www.thegiftofsubmission.blogspot.com/">(The Gift of Submission)</a>. She recently wrote a post about butt plugs. As far as I know Steve didn't read it, but she is still responsible for putting the butt plug vibe out to the universe!<em> </em> :) Anyway here's what happened (I apologize now for grossing you out!) ... </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">six hours earlier....</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Steve comes up behind me while I'm in the kitchen this afternoon and whispers in my ear, <em>"My parents are coming to pick up the troop in a little bit to take them to a movie and then to dinner. We are going to have the house to ourselves, so I intend to have some fun with you."</em></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">"Hmmm, what if I told you I already had a plan for what I was doing this afternoon?"</span><br />
<br />
<em><span style="font-size: large;">"Too bad. This is a rare opportunity, and I'm going to take advantage of it. Go on to the bedroom and strip. I'll make sure the kids get on their way. Oh, and to make sure you are in the right frame of mind, put in one of the butt plugs while you wait for me." </span></em><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I stood there gawking at him. It has been about a month since he last had me use a butt plug.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><em>"Stop staring at me like a deer in headlights! You heard me, go do it or there will be more than maintenance in your future! </em> </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I scurried off to the bedroom and did what he asked. It was very disconcerting to hear his parents in the house while I'm lying naked on the bed with a butt plug in my bottom. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I died a little death when I heard his mom ask, "Where's Julia<em>?</em>"<em> </em></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><em>"She's lying down in the bedroom. She has a headache,"</em> my husband the liar said. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">"Poor dear! Tell her I hope she fills better soon."</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><em>"Don't worry, I'm giving her some medicine as soon as you guys head out." </em>OMG! I can't believe he said that!</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I heard the front door close and shivers of anticipation went down my spine.</span><br />
<br />
<em><span style="font-size: large;">"Put some pillows under your hips. We're going to start by taking care of maintenance." </span></em><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Let me just say that this part of the afternoon was perfect. He started with the wooden spoon, then moved on to the ping pong paddle, and finished with the strap. The strapping was great. He probably gave me about a hundred swats. They landed nice and even on both cheeks with a lot of sting. My bottom was nice and hot when he was done.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">He proceeded to flip me over and went down on me. The arousal was so intense I felt light-headed. After a little bit he flipped himself around so that I could pleasure him at the same time. We were both so in to it and having a great time, when the unexpected happened...</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Steve touched my side in such a way that it was very ticklish, and I reacted by laughing out loud. Before I had any control of what was happening, out flew the butt plug along with ....umm....other stuff right in Steve's face! </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I flew upright with a "Holy crap!" (Bad choice of words I know!) Now Steve looked like the deer in headlights. He was clearly stunned. I ran like a mad woman to get a towel to wipe him off and get the sheets off the bed. I started babbling, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!" over and over again. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">When Steve came out of the bathroom from washing his face and hair, he grabbed me and pulled me close and said<em>, "Will you please stop saying you're sorry! It's not your fault. It was an accident. I didn't mean to tickle you, if it's anyone's fault it is mine."</em></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I broke down sobbing at that point. "That was so humiliating!" </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><em>"Stop it right now! It is okay. It's not your fault and you have nothing to be embarrassed about! Besides</em> [he put a wicked grin on his face] <em>now we know that is one fettish we will never be into!"</em></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I slapped him and hugged him and even managed a smile at that point.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><em>"Why don't we get back in bed and carry on." </em></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">"I'm so not in the mood now."</span><br />
<br />
<em><span style="font-size: large;">"Well, I'll fix that." </span></em><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">He did and it was a great afternoon. If I could just blot out that incident it would have been a fantasy afternoon. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Alas, real life has a way altering fantasy fast. So the next time one of your romantic interludes doesn't go the way you expect, just remember poor Steve and me. It might make your evening not seem so bad! ;)</span>JWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09848056143866645957noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3480881045315877151.post-57707813493336098692011-06-23T23:19:00.000-04:002011-06-23T23:19:51.890-04:00separation of purpose<span style="font-size: large;">I love to be spanked. I love it a lot. I am willing to admit that. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I am usually aroused any time I am spanked. Sometimes during punishment I am not, but usually it springs to life as soon as Steve is done. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Many people keep it in tidy little cubbies neatly separated. It just isn't for me. It was my interest in spanking that led me to domestic discipline to begin with. In terms of sexual interest and emotional output, it is one messy ball of tangled up yarn for Steve and me.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">That being said, there is separation of purpose. I didn't have to have a domestic discipline relationship with my husband in order to be spanked. I am 100% certain that I could have just told Steve, "Babe, I want you to spank me." Steve is obsessed enough with my bottom that he would have jumped on that easily enough. We could have easily stayed in the sexual play arena. There's only one problem with that. Only my needs would have been met.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">As I researched domestic discipline in its various forms, I realized that bringing this to our marriage would benefit both of us. It would provide Steve a window of opportunity for growth that he has never had, and for me it would be a respid from the pressures of leadership. There were clear and defined intellectual reasons for participating in a dd lifestyle.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">For us, though, the separation of purposes doesn't matter when it comes to living it. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Steve spanks me because we both enjoy the sexual arousal that results. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Steve spanks me because the endorphin release is a great stress reliever for me.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Steve spanks me because sometimes I need to know that he's in charge.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Steve spanks me because I need to be reminded of what my best self should be.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">It is all messy and undefined, but ultimately it is not the intellectual reasons why that matters to us. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">What matters is what are we getting out of it all... a great marriage that is now supercharged with more intimacy and communication! </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span>JWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09848056143866645957noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3480881045315877151.post-7576868939133543462011-06-19T23:59:00.000-04:002011-06-19T23:59:23.153-04:00the reason why<span style="font-size: large;">It took a lot of reflection, but I believe I know what I was feeling Thursday night and why I was feeling that way.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">The emotion I was experiencing was loneliness. That isn't an emotion I've had during a spanking before, and it took me a while to process it.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Almost always when Steve is spanking me we are connected in some way. Usually I am over his lap or knee. Even when I am kneeling in the stuffed chair or laying over the bed, he has his hand on me or touches me frequently.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">When he had me stand and was spanking me with the paddle there was no contact between us, only the pain of the strokes. That was when I had an intense moment of loneliness. It took a lengthy snuggling session and two bouts of love-making to eradicate it, but I feel reconnected to Steve now. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">There was nothing wrong with the punishment. I still feel that Steve handled it exactly the way he should have. At least now I will be able to identify the emotion sooner and better express my feelings and needs to Steve.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">By the way, Happy Father's Day to all the dads out there. </span>JWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09848056143866645957noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3480881045315877151.post-39407171879133875032011-06-17T23:54:00.000-04:002011-06-17T23:54:20.924-04:00a different animal<span style="font-size: large;">I was promised playtime on Wednesday night, and it was great. I received a lengthy maintenance session with his hand and the small strap. This segued into a massage and some awesome lovemaking. All in all, it was worth waiting an extra day for. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Thursday was a different animal altogether. I ended up having a very stressful day, and I let it get the better of me. The low point came after dinner when I was upset over something Steve and I were discussing. The dog ended up right behind me and when I went to turn around I almost tripped over him. That's when it happened. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">"G-d d#$% it, you stupid dog!" [yelling]</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><em>"Julia, the kids are in the family room, they can hear you."</em> [soft-spoken]</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">"I'm sorry, but the dog just about killed me! [still yelling and exaggerating]</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><em>"I know that it has been a stressful day for you. Go into our bedroom and try to relax for a little bit." </em>[still soft-spoken and was rubbing my arm]</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Now if I had just done what he said that would be the end of this story, but I didn't have the sense to come in out of the rain at that point.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">"Don't tell me what to do!" [voice raised but not yelling, and I jerked away my arm]</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Steve's demeanor changed in an instant. He leaned against me so that I was caught between him and the kitchen island. He put his mouth to my ear and between clenched teeth I heard, <em>"You had better get yourself in that room right now, because the kids do not deserve to see or hear you acting like this. Keep it up and I swear I will give you a spanking like you've never had before."</em></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">"Yeah, right!"</span><br />
<br />
<em><span style="font-size: large;">"JULIA! Right now!"</span></em><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">"Whatever." I stormed off to our bedroom.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Prior to dd, Steve would have said something but then walked away, and my family would have been walking on egg shells until the storm had past.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I ended up falling asleep, and Steve came in a couple of hours later and woke me up.</span><br />
<br />
<em><span style="font-size: large;">"The troop is getting ready for bed. I want you to help me tuck them in. Then you are going to get the wooden spoon, the short cane, and the lexan paddle and go over to the office."</span></em><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I was so irritated, but then I walked into my youngest child's bedroom. My sweet boy popped up and gave me a big hug and kiss. In that moment, I was so grateful that Steve had stopped me from my tyrade. I tucked the others in and headed over to the office.</span><br />
<br />
<em><span style="font-size: large;">"Take off everything and go stand in the corner." </span></em><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">He came up behind me after several minutes and started talking in my ear. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><em>"I've told you before that I don't care if you unload on me. That is what I'm here for, but I'm not going to allow it in front of the children. Do you understand?" </em>I nodded and started crying.</span><br />
<br />
<em><span style="font-size: large;">"It is also clear that I am doing an insufficient job with punishment, because you are not taking me seriously. I intend to fix that. Keep standing in the corner until I call for you. I want you to think about what's going to happen and why."</span></em><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">My stomach was in knots, and I was relieved when he finally called me over. He put me over his knee and spanked me with his hand, the spoon, the paddle, and then the cane. When he let me up my bottom was stinging from the paddle and I had some welts from the cane. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><em>"Stand up and stay facing me." </em></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I was so embarrassed. I was shifting from foot to foot. I couldn't look him in the eye. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><em>"Look at me</em>." I did, but I couldn't maintain it very long<em>. "I'm sorry, but I don't think we are done yet. We're going to do something different. Turn sideways and stay still." </em></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">He began swatting me with the lexan paddle again. He gave me ten hard strokes. It really hurt, and I started crying. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><em>"Go stand in the corner</em>." I stayed in the corner until I stopped crying.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><em>"Same position</em>." He gave me ten more, and I started crying again.</span><br />
<br />
<em><span style="font-size: large;">"Turn and face me. I hope I got through to you with this spanking. I don't want to have to do this very often."</span></em><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I simply don't have the words to express how I was feeling at that moment. I've never experienced that emotion/or series of emotions before. After standing in front of him for a little bit, he reached out for my hand and asked if I wanted to sit on his lap now. I practically jumped in his lap.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I stayed in his lap for a long time. I cried and kissed his neck. He rubbed my back and kissed the top of my head. We didn't have sex (that is a first). He helped me redress, and we went home and got in bed. He snuggled with me until I fell asleep.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">When we woke this morning, he made love to me in the most tender way I think he ever has. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">What's particularly hard is that I had to leave to go out-of-town overnight, so I am writing this post in my hotel room. I would much rather be in his reassuring arms right now. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I miss him something fierce despite the fact that my bottom is still sore. Or maybe I miss him because it is still sore. I'm not sure which. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Thank God I'll only be away for a day. </span>JWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09848056143866645957noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3480881045315877151.post-54945768971212130332011-06-15T19:58:00.000-04:002011-06-15T19:58:59.389-04:00the anti-date night<span style="font-size: large;">Marriage is not the death of great sex. Video games are!</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Steve surprised me last night by arranging for us to have a date night. It had been a while, and we were definitely overdue.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">We had a great time eating out and seeing a movie. Tame I know, but those are two things we just love to do together. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">If you have read either of my previous posts about date nights, you know this is normally followed by spanking and really great sex. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">That didn't happen last night. Why you ask? </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Right as we were pulling into our driveway, Steve gets a text from one of his gaming buddies that he hadn't seen or heard from in a while.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">"Who's texting you this late at night?" <i>"John. He and a couple of the other guys were wanting to play some Black Ops tonight, and he wanted to know if I wanted to join them. Don't worry, I'm telling him I'm on a date with my wife."</i> </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">After being married to Steve for fifteen years, I recognized the wistfulness in his voice.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">"It's okay babe. I know with his schedule you guys don't get to link up much anymore. I won't be upset if you want to play. I've enjoyed our date, but I'm pretty tired."</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i> </i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"Are you sure?" </i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i> </i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">"Yep, I'm sure."</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i> </i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"I love you. [grin]"</i></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">"I know. [grin]"<i> </i></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Fast forward to today.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"Are you well-rested?" </i>"Yeh, why?"</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"I intend to play with you tonight." </i>"You do? What if John calls you tonight?"</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"I'm going to tell him that my wife has some features that my X-Box doesn't, and I fully intend to explore them tonight."</i> "Well if you play well enough, I might give you access to the bonus features." <i>"Deal!"</i></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I intend to work him hard tonight. His reserve copy of the new Duke Nukem is going to be released soon. I'll be a gaming widow for at least a week, if not two.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Yep, video games.... the nemesis of great sex everywhere! </span>JWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09848056143866645957noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3480881045315877151.post-13146357462060514112011-06-13T22:00:00.000-04:002011-06-13T22:00:27.342-04:00sex, spanking, and marriage<span style="font-size: large;">There has been a lot of discussion in the blogs lately about sex and spanking and how much they are interrelated. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">When Steve and I first began this journey, I had no idea how all the elements of sex, spanking, and marriage would fit together. I had expected puzzle pieces that would fit together neatly, but in reality, for us at least, it is like a tightly inter-woven tapestry. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Love, trust, commitment, pain, sexual excitement, submission, partnership, dominance, and intimacy in a multicolored display that makes it difficult to know when one ends and another begins. It defies the capacity of logic. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">At the beginning of the journey I believed that if sex and spanking were to be intermixed, it would occur with play spanking and maintenance spanking. We were surprised that as this has developed, we were finding that it is during and after punishment spankings that we are most sexually in tune with one another. We feel an intense connection. For us, I think that punishment spankings have become the moment when all the elements I mentioned above converge. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Does that mean I want punishment spankings all the time? No, only when I've earned it. That I believe is part of the magic. Those moments are what brings special elements of color to our marriage tapestry. Too much and the colors would become garish and overwhelming, too little and it would be drab and boring. I think Steve and I have been weaving a beautiful tapestry for the last fifteen years and these extra bits of color that we have added recently have made it priceless. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">It is unfortunate as a society that we have so devalued and cheapened the elements of sex, intimacy, and marriage. We compartmentalize sex from marriage and even send constant media messages that say that marriage is the death of fulfilling sex and intimacy. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I genuinely grieve for those that do not get to experience marriage in its full glory, and I think those of us who are in great marriages have a responsibility to express just how wonderful marriage really is. Is marriage easy? Absolutely not! It is, however, the most beautiful relationship when it is nurtured and treasured.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">It is my prayer this evening for everyone out there that if you are married, or at some point in the future choose marriage, that you will be able to look at it and see beautiful artistry in the tapestries that you are creating. </span>JWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09848056143866645957noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3480881045315877151.post-76026936769113784742011-06-10T23:26:00.000-04:002011-06-10T23:26:27.611-04:00what would you do?<span style="font-size: large;">Here are the facts:</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">1. I criticized my husband on my blog Monday night for not putting enough effort into our dd relationship. Steve read that post and promptly turned my bottom red.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">2. Steve, with renewed vigor, had spanked me Tuesday night (maintenance) and Wednesday night (punishment for yelling). We were clearly back on track.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">3. Steve and I decided to do some much needed work around the house and yard on Thursday. We had the house and grounds to ourselves all day.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">4. For the past month, my husband has been eyeing every-day items constantly for spanking potential.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">5. Steve was going in and out of the tool shed getting stuff we needed while we were debating which household projects should get priority.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Now given these facts would you have followed your husband into the shed?</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I can hear the resounding "Hell, Nos!" being shouted at the screen.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">As you have probably guessed, I wasn't that smart and followed Steve right into the shed.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">"I want to get the front lawn mowed before we do anything else. We've got company coming this weekend, and I'm afraid if we do these other things first we're going to be too tired and it won't get done."</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"I understand why you want the lawn mowed, but I don't think it needs to be done first or even today. I can have [the eldest] do it tomorrow since she won't be working if we don't get it done today."</i> </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">"There's a chance of rain tomorrow. What if she doesn't get it done?"</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"She'll do it first thing in the morning before it gets too hot. It's not supposed to rain until late afternoon." </i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i> </i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">"Well, that plan assumes that she will be available tomorrow. I don't like it."</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i> </i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"I know you don't. Will you do me a favor and grab the attachment for the pressure cleaner from the shelf over there?" </i></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">"Sure." I hear the shed door close as soon as I am out of the way. "What did you do that for?"</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i> </i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"We agreed that all matters in our personal lives are under my authority, didn't we?"</i></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">"Yes"</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i> </i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"Well, before this turns into a long day of debates, I think you need a reminder about who's in charge. So turn around and put your hands on the next-to-the-bottom shelf and wait while I find something to spank you with." </i></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">"That's not necessary. We can do this in whatever order you want."</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i> </i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"The fact that you just told me that it's not necessary means that it is. Now bend over like I told you."</i><i></i></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Twenty or so seconds went by when I hear him say, <i>"That should be interesting." </i>I look over my shoulder to see him with a piece of one x six in his hand that was left over from making the shelves. I immediately popped up.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">"Oh, no! There's no way you're going to swat me with that!"</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"You are going to get a spanking tonight for getting out of position. Right now you have two choices: five swats with this board over your jean shorts or fifty strokes with my belt on your bare behind. Which will it be?"</i></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">"Some choice." I bend back over. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i> </i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"Count them out." </i>I counted them out and pouted that I was pretty sure that was going to bruise.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"I didn't swing very hard. Pull your shorts and panties down and let me take a look." </i>I complied, and he began rubbing my bottom. <i>"Nope, your iron butt is a light shade of pink. I doubt you're going to get a bruise. Maybe I should take further action to establish my authority." </i></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">"No really, I promise to follow your le....." I look over my shoulder and see that he has his own shorts pulled down and a wicked grin on his face. "As you wish."</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">He took me forcefully from behind, and when he was done we both proceeded to tackle the projects with unusual enthusiasm! </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">F.Y.I. - The eldest did end up mowing the lawn this morning. Oh, and I did get that spanking for popping up. I got the fifty strokes of the belt on my bare behind. Poetic justice. </span>JWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09848056143866645957noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3480881045315877151.post-11696209073635146452011-06-09T10:18:00.000-04:002011-06-09T10:18:50.188-04:00don't let him read!<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"What are you doing?" </i>"Posting something on my blog. I'm finished though." I tried to put the laptop away. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"May I read it?" </i>"You want to read it now?" <i>"Sure!" </i> Oh, crap! </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">"Why the interest?" <i>"Just curious I guess, particularly after seeing the look on your face. Do you not want me to? You told me previously that I could read it whenever I wanted."</i></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Don't let him read it! "You're right I did. Here you go." Oh, crap!<i> </i> </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Tick, tock....tick, tock....tick, tock</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"You really feel like I'm purposely trying to find other things to do besides spank you?" </i>"Yeh, it feels that way to me." </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"I told you that we were going to get back on track." </i>"I know, but it just seemed like it was starting to get pushed off to the next night and then the next night after that. I just don't want to go back to before. I loved what we had established." <i>"I loved it too." </i></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"You were kind of harsh in that post, but you're right about one thing, I need to do it already and ordinary maintenance won't cut it. Gather up all of the implements and head over to the office. Don't take off any clothes until I get there." </i>Oh, crap!</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I was pretty nervous as I sat there waiting for him. It had been almost a month since he had me go to the office. I knew I was in for a long, hard spanking.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"We have a lot to make up for. We're going to start off with your pants on, and I will handle any disrobing from there. We'll discuss your behavior while you are over my knee instead of the pre-confession. Get over my lap." </i></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Thirty-five minutes later I was completely naked, my bottom was fire-engine red from being spanked with every implement we own including a couple of Steve's creative use of things in our office, my face was puffy from crying during corner times, and I felt restored. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i> </i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">"I've missed you." <i>"I've missed you to. I promise I will try harder not to let this slip like this again, but life is going to get in our way sometimes; try not to get so frustrated." </i>"I'll try."</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"You better say something nice about me on your next post." </i>"I promise I will."</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Steve is the best husband in the whole wide world, and I wouldn't want to be married to anyone else. :) </span>JWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09848056143866645957noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3480881045315877151.post-1251402168977667922011-06-06T23:10:00.000-04:002011-06-06T23:10:02.186-04:00where's the rhythm?<span style="font-size: large;">I'm feeling like Little Bo Peep. We have lost our rhythm and don't know where to find it. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Somehow the pressures of work and children have consumed us despite our best efforts. Well, maybe "best effort" would be an exaggeration on Steve's part.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">More nights than not lately, I'm going to bed frustrated while my husband finds everything else in the world to do besides spank me. Many mornings I'm waking up to an <i>"I'm sorry, I know you wanted some attention last night, but I was too tired. Don't worry, I'm going to get us back on track." </i></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">He's been one big wind bag lately. He talks about spanking me, teases me about trying out strange implements, or trying out a different position to put me in, but then..... nothing.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i> </i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I told him how I felt last night. "I'm tired of 'I'm sorry'. If you were really sorry it would have changed. I'm tired of 'I'm tired'. Here's a thought... don't stay up until two in the morning watching tv or playing video games and you'd might have the energy to give me some attention. I'm tired of 'Don't worry'. I am worried that getting back to the rhythm we had established so well is going to keep being put off until it is all a distant memory. I am worried because I see myself slipping back to where I was before. I see us slipping back into the previous relationship patterns. If you don't want me to worry then get us back on track."</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Ready for the big reply? <i>"I know. I'm going to get us back on track."</i></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i> </i>I want to yell at him, "Stop telling me that and do it already!" </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Alas, I know this is a common pitfall that many dd couples go through during the course of their relationship, but that doesn't make it any less aggravating.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Anyway, if anyone sees our rhythm, will you please direct it to come back home? I miss it.</span>JWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09848056143866645957noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3480881045315877151.post-23878271003475766252011-06-02T01:01:00.002-04:002011-06-02T01:09:49.114-04:00respect that's deserved and respect that's earned<span style="font-size: large;">I've been doing a lot of reflecting lately. Normally it is a bad thing because I'm usually reflecting on myself and my self-criticism gets ridiculous. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">This time around it has been focused on my relationship with Steve and trying to figure out how to go about getting myself where I want to be with him. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">There is no doubt about it... I love my husband passionately. I can't imagine being married to anyone else. I can be a real shrew at times, but he has the patience of Job. To some degree that is part of my issue. He can be too patient and too understanding sometimes. I love him, but respecting him is a whole other story.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">IMO there are two kinds of respect: the kind you deserve and the kind you earn. There is a certain amount of respect that every human being deserves. Any decent human being will demonstrate respect for their fellow humankind. Their existence on the planet dictates that. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Then there are those in our lives where we look at them and know that they have earned that extra measure of respect. Our value systems dictate how others earn that respect from us. For example, I know for myself that I value hard work, perseverance, and achievement, so therefore those whom I have a great deal of respect for model those qualities. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">The thing with Steve is that he doesn't have those qualities naturally. Steve has many attributes that I love such as kindness and considerateness. Loving isn't the same as respecting though. Hence my reflection and some of my conclusions.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Steve is my husband - a certain amount of respect is deserved because of who he is to me.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Steve is the HoH in our DD relationship - a certain amount of respect is deserved because of that role.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I married Steve for who he is and I don't have the right to expect any more growth or change than I expect from myself. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Maybe I need to examine why I value what I do and realize that other attributes deserve my respect as well. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">It isn't fair for me to make it impossible for him to earn my respect. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I'm thinking that it may go hand-in-hand. If I treat him as if he has earned my respect and not just the respect that he deserves, then the actions to earn it will follow, and I will learn the benefit of valuing all the positive attributes that Steve (and others for that matter) have to offer. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Sometimes the change that is needed is yourself.</span>JWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09848056143866645957noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3480881045315877151.post-27560614851284611762011-05-26T01:36:00.000-04:002011-05-26T01:36:25.095-04:00the strange and unusual<span style="font-size: large;">There were things that I expected from Steve on this journey, but one has surprised me completely.... his quest to find new, strange, and unusual things to spank me with. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">No, I'm not talking about just new kinds of paddles or straps. He checks out anything long and thin, or anything with any kind of flat surface to see if it has spanking potential. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">He's taken a 12" hot glue gun stick to my behind. That stung. Then there was the dog leash. That was a flop (literally and figuratively). The most recent was my keychain. I have two long strands of pony beads on my keychain that one of my daughter's had strung for me at camp. He disconnected it from my main ring and spanked me with it. I didn't like it, not one little bit. Who would think such small things could hurt so much?! </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Anyway, I think it is time for me to do some more implement shopping. I'm hoping it will give him something new and curb this obsession with household items. I know he is interested in a lexan paddle with holes. I think it would make a nice father's day gift from me to him. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Funny that three months ago I had to practically twist his arm to try this and now he's the one venturing for new territory. Go figure. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"> </span>JWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09848056143866645957noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3480881045315877151.post-65483985093360417842011-05-13T22:20:00.000-04:002011-05-13T22:20:08.180-04:00stupid tv<span style="font-size: large;">Stupid tv! I rarely watch it these days, but last night I decided to watch a show on-demand that I hadn't seen in a while. I watched my show, gave the troop goodnight kisses, and headed over to the office to take care of some paperwork.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Forty-five minutes had passed, and I was putting away the last file when Steve walked in the door with implement box in hand. I'm sure the look on my face was comical.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">"Ummm, I was just getting ready to head back home." <i>"Good, I'm just in time then. We can talk about some things before we go back."</i></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">"Talk about some things?" <i>"Yes, but strip down and get your cushion so you can kneel in front of the chair." </i> </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Let me just say that I had a lump in my throat at that point. It has been weeks since we have had a serious formal punishment session, and it was clear that was exactly what was about to happen.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"We need to add a new rule. I know you don't watch tv very often, but when you do you get absorbed to the exclusion of everything else. From now on if one of the children are trying to talk to you, you need to pause the tv and give them your full attention. Your daughter was trying to tell you about her softball game this evening and you didn't give her any attention. </i><i>You know that right now we need to seize every opportunity to give her positive attention to counter-balance all the discipline we've had to dole out lately. Right?" </i>I nodded because I was too ashamed to speak. <i>"Please go stand in the corner and think about it. I'll be back in a few minutes."</i></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I started crying while I was standing in the corner, and every parent who reads this will know why. Steve returned about five minutes later and had me resume my position on my knees in front of him in the chair.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"I really didn't like it, and I think it deserves punishment even though it was not a formal rule yet. How do you feel about it?" </i>"Embarrassed and ashamed...I think you are absolutely right, and I'm not going to be able to forgive myself and move on until I receive punishment for it and apologize to her in the morning. Thank you for noticing it and calling me on it. I don't want to do that again." </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"I know how much you love our children. Let's get this over with so that we can move on."</i> </span> <br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I was paddled, strapped, and caned. I actually have a few marks left today, but it was what was needed and deserved. Keep in mind, I know that was not the first time that has happened, just the first time since we started dd. </span><span style="font-size: large;">I was very proud of Steve for stepping up as HoH and pointing out a behavior that was detrimental to my relationship with my children. If we had not started dd, he might have said something eventually, but I can guarantee you that I would have become defensive and argumentative about it. I love our new life.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">And I hate that stupid tv!</span>JWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09848056143866645957noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3480881045315877151.post-89023872369769924852011-05-13T01:02:00.000-04:002011-06-02T01:08:37.963-04:00empowered<i><span style="font-size: large;">"What's wrong?" </span></i><span style="font-size: large;">"What do you mean?" </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"> <i> </i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"You have been very withdrawn the last couple of days, and today you have been really snippy. Are you feeling ok?" </i>"Yeh, I'm fine. I have a lot on my mind. I'm sorry if I've been snippy."</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"It's ok. Sometimes you need to be able to let it out. I'd rather you let it out on me than on someone else. It doesn't bother me." </i>"I know it doesn't, which is one of the things I love about you. I really don't want you to be my verbal punching bag though. I think sometimes when I am pushing you, it's because I'm wanting you to push back."</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"Wait a minute. This is because you haven't had a real thorough spanking in a while, isn't it?" </i>"Probably. I'm missing the structure, but I'm not upset with you at all. It is just the way it has had to be recently. I'm annoyed with myself for being a grouch." </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"Well, if you need the grouchiness spanked out of you, then get over here and we'll take care of it right now." </i>"Right now?" <i>"Right now!"</i></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I got a thorough hand spanking, ten medium and ten hard strokes of the cane, twenty strokes of the lexan paddle, he had me count out forty strokes of the strap, and a follow-up hand spanking. I cried from the beginning because I had so much pent up emotion. It also hurt like crazy because it had been a while for that type of spanking. I feel worlds better though. Like a hundred pounds of bricks have been lifted off my shoulders. I feel like I could tackle the world. That seems crazy to me, but that's the way I feel...empowered. <i> </i></span>JWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09848056143866645957noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3480881045315877151.post-52500437195722478232011-05-10T00:21:00.001-04:002011-05-10T00:30:02.850-04:00when maintenance isn't enough<span style="font-size: large;">Out of sorts. That is how I feel. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Even though we have been able to manage squeezing in maintenance during our chaos, I am missing the structure that we had developed. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Keeping up with the health rules would not have been practical during the past couple of weeks, but that is not to say that some of the other rules didn't get violated frequently. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I know the reason Steve didn't enforce them is because it has been an incredibly stressful time. It just wouldn't have been a reasonable expectation for either of us. I still miss it though. Now that things have settled down, I'm just hoping we haven't lost too much ground. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I need a good butt whoopin'! Know what I mean?<br />
</span>JWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09848056143866645957noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3480881045315877151.post-42122485997185643122011-05-07T00:42:00.000-04:002011-05-07T00:42:07.128-04:00still kicking<span style="font-size: large;">Wow, the last two weeks have been something else! I know you guys probably thought I had fallen of the face of the planet. With G being gone and a lot of stuff going on at the business, it has simply been non-stop! </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">We have managed to fit in maintenance three or four times a week, right before we fell exhausted into the bed and fell asleep. Sometimes I have wanted it.... sometimes I haven't, but he did it anyway knowing that it was what I needed. We haven't had any punishment spankings mostly because we had set aside most of the rules during the last two weeks. There was just too much to deal with.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
Hopefully, life will get a little more sane over the next couple of weeks. I have enjoyed catching up on everyone's blogs and look forward to getting back into the swing of things. I bet Steve is ready to get back into the "swing of things" too! ;)</span>JWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09848056143866645957noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3480881045315877151.post-41367313346464746162011-04-25T00:51:00.000-04:002011-04-25T00:51:51.760-04:00back to the new normal<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"Did you weigh in this morning?" </i>"Yeh." <i> </i></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"And?" </i>"I gained a pound." </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"Ok, I guess we'll deal with that tonight with whatever else you are due punishment for." </i>"You're going to spank me tonight?" </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"It's Sunday, don't we normally handle serious punishment then?" </i>"Yeh, I guess so." </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"Do you not want me to?" </i>"Yes and no." <i> </i></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"Well, we're going to go with the</i> <i>yes</i><i>." </i>"Whatever." </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"What's wrong with you?" </i>"You really don't know? All I can say is that I am not feeling submissive right now in any shape or form." </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"> <i> </i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"I know and that is my fault. I have acted pretty badly these last few days. It didn't have anything to do with you, but I know I made you feel bad in the process. Will you please forgive me?" </i>"Of course."</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">We ended up having a long discussion about everything that happened, and we both felt a lot better.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">When it came time for punishment Steve asked me if it was really okay considering everything that happened. I told him that we are each individually responsible for our behavior regardless of what the other is doing. I chose to not stick with my health rules, and I gained weight as a result. I am accountable for that regardless. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">"Besides, I really need to get back into a submissive frame of mind." <i>"I think we can accomplish that."</i> </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I got it with the hand, spoon, ping pong paddle, lexan paddle, and his belt. My bottom is sore, but it feels so good to get back to our new "normal<i>" </i></span>.JWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09848056143866645957noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3480881045315877151.post-36794959775454313512011-04-23T03:03:00.000-04:002011-04-23T03:03:37.388-04:00mountain top highs and valley lows<span style="font-size: large;">Whenever you are on a mountain top the view is always spectacular. Unfortunately, the downside is that the only thing left to do is come back down. Most of the time you get to walk back down the path and revisit all the lovely spots you found on the way up. It is gentle. Occasionally though you trip on the way back down and tumble all the way to the bottom - bruised and broken. Even more rarely, you get tossed down the mountain, and all you can do is pray that you don't die.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">What led to this dramatic analogy? Our business and home worlds have collided for the first time since starting dd. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Wednesday night after Steve got home from his billiards match, he approached me to say that two of his friends had asked him about going on a four day fishing trip next week and that he wanted the time off to go. "Steve, that is a business question, not a home question. May we please wait to discuss it when we get to work tomorrow?" <i>"Sure."</i></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Thursday morning came, and we were sitting in the office. <i>"So, do you think you can do without me next week?" </i>"We've got a lot of stuff going on this week and next. Some of it is crucial to our business. Did you forget that G is already scheduled to be off Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday of next week? It's going to be pretty stressful for me already." [After me, G is probably the most important person in our business in terms of abilities and responsibilities.] <i>"Yeh, I remembered, but I thought you might be able to do without me too." </i>"I'm just now getting to the point where I'm not being crushed by the anxiety of the last six months, I'm not excited by the prospect of being saddled with trying to take care of all of these crucial business matters and dealing with all of the home stuff by myself." <i>"It's just that I really wanted to go." </i>"I understand that, it would have been fun, but there is also the issue of finances. You know we really don't have the money to spare right now." <i>"Yeh, you're right. I'll let them know it just isn't good timing right now."</i> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Prior to dd, I would have just told him no. Although I still had the right and authority to just tell him no, I felt it important to discuss the issue and help him come to the conclusion himself.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">If only that was the end of the story, but I have spent the last two days dealing with Steve pouting about it. I just don't have patience for that. Two of our children are pouters; I can't stand it with them. I certainly can't stand it with a grown-ass man. It has affected him as HoH as well. He's turned back into a non-commital weenie. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I can't even begin to express just how much it is pissing me off! Although my dad was an abusive parent, he was and is an incredibly hard-working man. A solid work ethic is the one good thing I inherited from him. Work is something Steve tolerates when he has to. I have asked him for years to go find a job somewhere else so that I don't have to be his boss, and so all our financial eggs aren't in one basket. It has never happened. He's always been too insecure. One of my main reasons for seeking out a dd relationship was because despite the fact that I love my husband fiercely, I was getting tired of feeling like the only adult in the family. I could tell that the pressure was going to either put me in the loony bin, or I was going to end up resenting him to the point of it ruining our relationship. I was so excited to see his development, and now I'm dealing with this crap! </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">What really makes my blood boil is that I had to recently cancel a trip to the Grand Canyon that I had planned for two years for my 40th birthday. It was something that was on my bucket list. However, about a week before the trip some things happened that would have made it incredibly irresponsible of me to go, so I had to cancel. Was I disappointed? Hell yeah!!!! Did I pout about it and make the people around me miserable? Hell no!!!! Sometimes that is the way life works. I'm just trusting that God will give me another opportunity down the road.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I would normally chew him out in a situation like this, but that was the old us. So here I sit on the computer at 3:00 in the morning venting to you guys, while I hold my tongue and figure out how J the wife gets her HoH back. I haven't been spanked or had sex since Tuesday night and three days is a long time for me. J the wife is being neglected because J the boss has apparently tossed Steve down the mountain. :-(</span>JWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09848056143866645957noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3480881045315877151.post-65679473131577138342011-04-20T19:04:00.000-04:002011-04-20T19:04:29.118-04:00a significant moment<span style="font-size: large;">There are times in any journey that you can look back on and say yes that was a turning point or a significant moment.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Last night will probably be one of those times when I look back on our dd journey years from now.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">We talked for a long time prior to my punishment spanking. We explored our lunchtime conversation in a lot more detail. Stormy's comment on the last post that Steve is a natural or catches on really quickly was spot on. I have been blown away by the speed in which Steve has developed as our HoH. There was nothing in the previous 15 years that made me think I should expect that. It has left me off balance. What I expected was a lot more time to relinquish control. He was actually genuinely surprised that I thought that he was doing that well. Bless his heart. I have been in control far too long.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I could tell once the spanking started that he had put a lot of time into thinking about what exactly was going to happen and why. He lectured me and asked questions in a much more serious and direct way. It felt real versus him acting out a part. I was spanked hard and long with his hand, the wooden spoon, and strap. He then sent me for some corner time. I was thinking to myself that it hadn't been that bad, but then he said, <i>"Ok, come on back over so that we can do the punishment part." </i>"That wasn't it?" <i>"No, that was the warm up for your minor rule infractions. Now I'm going to deal with the disrespect and dangerous behavior."</i> He had the cane and the lexan paddle in his hand. I received 20 strokes of the cane. Ten were of medium strength and they hurt, but the last ten were much more severe and really hurt. He gave me several minutes then I had to bend back over for the lexan. I received 30 strokes with it alternating from cheek to cheek and the third in the bottom middle. I didn't cry, but I felt punished when we were done. I have a couple of small bruises from the cane, but otherwise I am fine. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Last night earns its significance not because of the spanking itself (although, as promised, it was the hardest), but because I think for both of us it cemented in concrete that this was a new reality for us. Not merely some sexual kink, or role-playing, but a true life change in how we are going to manage our marriage and home. We were a very happy couple before, but I can now see us staying that way for the remainder of the time we are blessed to live on earth together.</span>JWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09848056143866645957noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3480881045315877151.post-44681431023313509402011-04-19T21:24:00.001-04:002011-04-19T21:26:35.312-04:00anti-climatic<span style="font-size: large;">Last night ended up being anti-climatic. We were both exhausted from the day's activities. I went to bed after posting last night and was expecting to be dragged out of bed in the middle of the night. Fortunately, I was not. Steve fell asleep on the couch playing video games and ended up not coming to bed until 4:00am. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">It was only a temporary reprieve. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">First thing this morning... <i>"Sorry I fell asleep, but I'm going to make up for it today. Come bend over the bed. I'm going to start out by giving you some strokes with the cane. You're going to have to stay silent because the children haven't left yet." </i>He gave me 10 hard strokes. It took everything in me not to make noise. We didn't have time to talk so we just embraced and headed over to the office.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"Meet me at the house for lunch." </i>He was already putting some lunch together for us when I got there. <i>"Drop your pants." </i>He was holding a pancake turner in his hand. I got a quick but painful spanking with it. <i>"We still have a long way to go, but that is going to have to wait until tonight. Let's eat lunch and talk."</i></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"I'm feeling some resistance from you. I thought this was what you wanted from me. I thought you wanted for me to take charge, but the last couple of times I have put my foot down on something I'm seeing negative body language from you. I'm confused."</i></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">"I'm sorry. It probably is confusing. Yes, as you are becoming more and more comfortable with your role as HoH, and the true power shift is becoming more and more of a reality, I am having more and more difficulty being submissive. Please don't think I've changed my mind. It's just harder than it was. I have been in charge of all aspects of our lives for fifteen years. It is hard to surrender, but I'm still committed to this."</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"That's all I wanted to know. Since that is the case, there are some things that I feel we really need to address. You were really disrespectful yesterday and some of your actions were also dangerous. </i><i>It's going to have to wait until after all the kids are in bed and C gets home. We'll have to wait for her because we'll need to go over to the office. This will be the hardest spanking I've ever given you, and I don't want us to have to worry about it if you cry out loudly. How do you feel about that?" </i></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">"I was afraid that was what you were going to say, and at the same time, afraid that wasn't what you were going to say. I'm nervous about it, but I trust you and I'm positive that at this critical juncture that is exactly what needs to happen and that I need to submit to it."</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"Ok, then that is what is going to happen. I love you so much."</i></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">"I love you more." <i>"I doubt that. [grin]" </i>He pulled me over his knee and gave me a quick but firm hand spanking. <i> Let's get back to work before they think we're playing hooky this afternoon."</i> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i> </i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I now have about an hour more to wait, and I'm really getting nervous. I don't want anyone to think that I'm afraid. Steve would never cause me injury, but I know we are going to be crossing into new territory on our journey. We're both going to do some growing tonight. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"> </span>JWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09848056143866645957noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3480881045315877151.post-6136930868551872222011-04-18T23:23:00.000-04:002011-04-18T23:23:23.022-04:00our two month dd anniversary<span style="font-size: large;">Today marks two months on our domestic discipline journey. I wish I could say that it has been a great day, but it hasn't. I have been a total grouch today, probably because I haven't been spanked since Friday night. Another because pasach (passover) began tonight and I had almost no time to prepare. I managed to pull it off, but not without being disrespectful and demanding to Steve, and doing something incredibly stupid. Not exactly the way to start off what should be wonderful family time. We managed to have a nice seder despite myself.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">The most dramatic event of the day - Me being incredibly careless because I was rushing around, and I managed to put a huge dent in the right rear fender of our car that we have owned for less than a week!!! I expected Steve would hug me and be all gushy supportive as he has been in occasions like this in the past. Nope. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"I've told you that rushing around never comes to any good. What if that had been a person you backed into instead of a pole? You've got to stop doing that. It's just not worth it. Fortunately it is just the car that's damaged. I'm really concerned about what might happen in the future if you don't stop this running around like a chicken with its head cut off." </i>I just stood in the driveway crying and I finally said, "I know you're right. I'm sorry!" <i>"I know you are. We'll deal with this later. The kids and I will help you get the seder set up. Let's just concentrate on that for now, ok?" </i>I nodded and smiled.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I'm sitting here blogging because Steve said that he needed to play some video games and unwind before he spanks me. <i>"We've got a lot to take care of." </i> I'm going to go to bed because I have a feeling this is going to be one of those 2:30am spankings. I also have the feeling that it is going to be pretty severe, maybe the most severe I've had. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.What a way to celebrate! :(<i></i></span>JWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09848056143866645957noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3480881045315877151.post-79130099145519404832011-04-17T21:21:00.000-04:002011-04-17T21:21:21.012-04:00anxious over perfection<span style="font-size: large;">I'm emotionally torn. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">The events of Thursday and Friday night have made what we are doing a firm reality. It is supremely wonderful, but also very scary. I have spent my entire adult life being in charge and trying to maintain the illusion of control. Even in high school I was the one in charge - class president, yearbook editor, etc. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">This journey was my idea, but now that Steve's sleeping dominant side has been awoken I'm scared. Not scared of Steve by any means, but whether I can truly let go. I have enjoyed my moments of submission, but I think I have been comfortable up to now because I have still had some element of control in how this thing has developed. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I have spent most of yesterday and today contemplating the fact that the moment of truth is coming. The moment is coming when I'm not going to be able to submit, and then what will happen? </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">It is like when a person who has flown in an airplane hundreds of times suddenly becomes afraid to fly. They reason that their luck is about to run out. Disaster is waiting to strike. That is how I am feeling. Like I am going to screw this up any moment now. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I'm hoping my maintenance spanking tonight will "knock" this nagging anxiety out. Well at this point I guess I better hope I get maintenance. We skipped it yesterday because our Friday late-night antics wore both of us out. I'm wondering if I should say something or not. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I know there are many out there who have been in this exact spot. Their blogs are powerful testimonies that I draw comfort from. Nothing can be or will be perfect. I know in my mind that it will all work out, but my heart is struggling with my desire for perfection. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I think I'll share these crazy thoughts with Steve, and trust him to take the right action. That is a step in the correct direction, I hope. :) </span>JWhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09848056143866645957noreply@blogger.com2