This is the journey of one control freak wife and one gentle spirited husband as they seek to balance their

roles in their home
and bring an extra measure of joy to their already happy marriage.

Saturday, August 6, 2011

peaceful reconnection

If you have been married for any length of time, then it will have happened to you...the craziness of life and the distance with your spouse that it sometimes creates.

First I got really sick, then Steve did.  One of our key employees tells us that he is going to require surgery and medical treatment that is going to keep him out for twelve to sixteen weeks.  We're very worried about him and worried about surviving without him while he's out.  My mother ends up having a personal emergency that I had to leave for a couple of days to take care of and rush back in time to take my thirteen year to the airport for an event she was attending in Michigan. Then we had two more to get packed up for summer camp for a week. Then we had two crucial business deadlines to meet. This combined with a few more situations all occured in the span of eleven days.  The only words to describe it were crazy and chaotic. 

Needless to say that despite having the house completely to ourselves on night of the eleventh day, we might have just as well been on different planets for as much interest as we had in each other.

"Wow, the distance is palpable."

"Yeh, it is.  Let's get a good night's sleep, and we'll work on it over the weekend."

We spent the next couple of days talking, snuggling, kissing, and finally making love.  It wasn't until we were really reconnected that Steve asked if I would like some maintenance.  

He pulled out my absolute favorite...his belt.  

It was a fantastic session although it was more difficult to tolerate after two weeks of nothing.  Steve could tell so he switched back and forth between his belt and his hand.  He rubbed my bottom a lot more too.   

What was interesting to me was that the resumption of our dd lifestyle was the result of our peaceful reconnection and not the other way around.  

I know there are critics who think that dd or variations thereof are a sign or symptom of a disfunctional relationship, and as with everything I'm sure there are some those out there. However, I do think that Steve and I are a good example of how it is a reflection of a healthy marriage that is being enhanced, and there are numerous other blogs out there that demonstrate the same. 

It is a relief for me to know that even if we stopped dd tomorrow, we still have the skills to heal the chasms when they occur.  That's important because life will continue to be crazy and stretch us in every direction imaginable.

I hope, though, that we don't stop, because I sure do enjoy the warmth in my heart [and other places ;) ] that comes from a warm bottom!

Sunday, July 17, 2011

when perfection ends

All has been quiet on the western frontier, but as we all know, perfection can't last forever, no matter how much we wish it would.  Even in the most perfect of circumstances, perfection fails us.  For example...

Last night not only did I have some transition time, but I had the house completely to myself for several hours (that's incredibly rare).  The children were all spending the night at their friends' respective homes.  Steve went over to a friend's house to help him put together some furniture. 

Before he left he said, "We're going to have some fun when I get home. I'm going to take advantage of being able to spank you and make love to you anywhere in the house I want."  

"Yeh, right."

"Why are you saying it like that."

"Because you know darn good and well that you will end up staying over there longer than you intend.  It will be late when you get home and one or both of us will be too tired to do anything."

"Not this time."

"We'll see."

He kissed me in a demanding and urgent kind of way and headed out the door.

I was asleep on the couch when he got home at one in the morning, an hour and a half later than he told me he would be.  I woke up as he was coming through the door.

"Told you," were the first words out of my mouth.

"It did take longer than I thought it would, but I'm not too tired to bend you over the couch to heat up your bottom and then have my way with you, and you clearly have been sleeping so I'm sure you can manage it as well, right?"

"Yeh, I guess."  It was not the friendliest of tones.

"Your attitude is starting to irritate me.  You'd better go strip before I decide to dole out some punishment."

"Whatever."  Yes, that included some serious eyeball rolling.

Now don't ask me why I was having an attitude issue.  I'm not sure what was wrong with me.  I think that because this is still all relatively new to us that I sometimes forget too quickly that Steve is perfectly capable now of truly punishing me.  

I came back out to the living room naked to find Steve standing there with the lexan paddle and loopy johnny in his hands.  I knew instantly that I was in serious trouble.

"I'm not sure what your problem is, but I'm fixing it right now.  Bend over the arm of the couch now."

He wore me out with the lexan paddle.  I don't know how many times it was because I was too busy crying and yelling "owwww" to count.  

"So, do you think it is 'whatever' now?  Do you agree I am up to the task of punishing you when it is needed?"

"Ye......e.........s," said I with tears and snot on my face and hiccuping all the while.

"Well I'm going to give you ten with the loopy johnny to be sure." 

My only saving grace is that our loopy johnny is leather as opposed to rubber, otherwise I think I would have been loud enough for the neighbors that are almost a kilometer away to have heard me.  The implement itself may be quiet, but I sure wasn't!

As soon as he was done, he sat on the couch and had me sit snuggled up next to him.  He rubbed my back until I stopped crying and was able to breathe with making shuttering noises.  

He turned to me and embraced my face with both of his hands.  After kissing me tenderly, he asked, "I really would like to get back to the original plan of making love to you anywhere besides the bedroom. Are you okay with that?"

I smiled and nodded and..... well the rest I'm going to keep to myself.  Let's just say that I have a smile on my face that will probably be there for days. 

Who needs perfection anyway? ;) 

Friday, July 8, 2011

A Good Week

It is always good when a plan works the way you hope.  

Steve's idea for transition time has really made a difference for us.  

Knowing that I have that time to look forward to has helped me feel less stressed at work.  Having the time has also helped me feel more peaceful at home and to relish the change from dominant to submissive each day.  

Each day has been a little different, but the components have remained the same.  I spend about fifteen minutes by myself doing absolutely nothing but sit or lay down, close my eyes, and breathe deeply. This is followed by my act of submission.  

If it is corner time then it is only about five to ten minutes.  If Steve decides it is a butt plug day then he comes in and has me strip and he puts it in.  It stays in until he says otherwise. If it extends beyond my transition time then I am to dress and continue with my evening as if it isn't there.

You haven't lived until you are sitting at the dining room table helping your child with math homework with a butt plug in your rear!

My favorite day was actually this past Saturday.  I had worked that day (which is very rare as I usually don't for religious reasons), and when I got home it was a beautiful afternoon.  I texted Steve to let him know that I was going to the porch swing in front of the shed instead of coming into the house for transition time. I received back a text that said, "That's perfect, I'll meet u out there in a little while."

Steve joined me after about ten minutes, and we continued to swing while we snuggled.

"I have a surprise for you."

"You do?"

"Guess what came in today."

"The Loopy Johnny?"  (We had ordered one from The London Tanners

  "Yep.  It is hanging in the shed.  I was actually thinking about trying it out when you got home.  Then you decided to come out to the swing.  It seems like the perfect opportunity."

"Where are the kids?"  

"[The eldest] took them to see a movie.  They'll be gone for at least another hour.  What do you say?  Should we have a little fun and get maintenance done too?"

"Sounds good, but do we have to go in the shed? It's going to be hot in there this time of day."

"Actually, I was thinking right here."

Although you can see the front of our house from the street the rest of the property is very private.

"Okay, I'm game."

"Great! You strip while I go get it."

I'd read from others that the loopy johnny was something else, but I was surprised by the intensity of it.  Overall, we both like it.  It is quiet in comparison to the strap.  I have a feeling it will be used often.   

Between the transition time and the almost daily maintenance spankings, I have to say that it has been a good week.  I have been feeling almost euphoric.  However, I'm bracing myself for the fact that in real life things don't stay blissful forever.  There will be a bump in the road, so I'm just going to appreciate the good while it lasts.

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

a shameful moment

As embarrassing as my last post was, this one is shameful. Sorry, there is no humor to this one. It was a dark moment for me. I got my rear end tore up yesterday, and I totally deserved it.  

My stress levels just stay incredibly high these days, and I was really on edge when I got home yesterday. I felt like I was going to pop out of my skin.  I immediately lit into my children when I walked through the door because they had not done their chores.  

Steve, who had come home about fifteen minutes before me, immediately intervened.  "Julia, that's my job, and I will handle it.  Go in our room and rest for a bit."    

"I don't need you to handle it! I'm perfectly capable of handling it.  The children always did their chores when I was in charge!" [Yes, I was yelling.]

Does anyone have deja vu?  I should have.  Steve and I just played out this almost same exact scene a little over a week ago.  How come I didn't remember the outcome of that?

"Kids, I need you to go in your rooms right now, and don't leave it until I tell you to."    [calm, but with steel in it]

As soon as the kids were out of sight, he grabbed me by the arm and practically dragged me out the door.

"Let me go right now!" [I'm pretty much screaming at this point.]

"I don't think so."

"Noooo, I am not going back over to the office!!!!"

"Fine, we'll go this way!"

He swung me around and started heading to the back of the property... straight for the shed.

"Noooooooooooooooooooooo!"  I dug my heels in as best I could.

"Julia, you are going to start cooperating right now, or so help me G-d I, I... I don't know what I'm going to do."     

Steve let go of my arm and stood looking incredibly sad in the middle of our yard.  I stood there on the verge of tears.  I was so overwrought at this point.

"Julia, I don't want to spank you against your will, but at the same time I don't want this behavior to carry on.  I feel like I am between a rock and a hard place and that you put me there. You desperately need a spanking.  You are going to sit on the porch swing in front of the shed.  When you are ready to submit to the spanking, you come get me.  I'm going back inside to decide what we're having for dinner.  Do not come back into the house until you've got it together!"

"You're trying to tell me that I can't come into the house that I f*&%$ng pay for?  F&%$ you!!!"  

I tried to storm back to the house.  Steve picked me up and while I was kicking, cussing, and hitting him, he carried me to the shed.  He sat us both down on the swing with him keeping an iron grip on me.

He held me until I stopped my temper tantrum. I started crying, and I didn't think I was ever going to stop.  Steve rubbed my back for what seemed like an eternity.  

When the sobs slowed down to shuttered breathing, Steve leaned in and said, "Feeling better?"   I nodded.

"Let's go in the shed."    

This time I followed him in.  

"Strip."     I started crying softly and took off all of my clothes.

"Do you understand why I pulled you out of the house?"     


"Do you understand why I didn't want you to go back in?"  


"Do you understand how much you hurt me just now?"   

"Yesssssss. I'mmm sorrrrrrry!!!"  I was wailing at this point.

"I'm a grown man, I love you, and I'll get over it.  The children are a different story. I know that you are incredibly stressed right now. I do not want you to look back and realize that you have taken it out on your children. You are coming dangerously close to being flat out verbally abusive. I would even venture that you are being verbally abusive to me.  I know you don't want that."
"No.....I..... don't." [Lots of sobbing and sniffling in between] 

"I've been thinking about this and I think part of the problem is that most people have some type of commute between work and home that gives them time to decompress.  You just have to walk across the street.  With the level of stress you have you need more than that.  From now on I want you to walk straight to our bedroom as soon as you get home and for you to lie down, or do some deep breathing, or do some yoga stances.  I'm going to instruct the children that they are not to disturb you, but are to come to me if they need something until "mom rest time" is over. I think a minimum of twenty minutes is needed, possibly as much as thirty.  I also think that in our situation an act of submission is needed during that time as well to help you make the shift from the leader to the follower.  Some corner time at the end or time with a butt plug, something to help you make the mental shift.  Are you willing to try that?"


"Good, because I never, and I mean never want to have to spank you like I'm going to spank you now ever again.  Bend over and put your hands on the shelf."

I heard him pull his belt loose, and he struck my bottom and the back of my thighs repeatedly. I sobbed, I kept popping up, and I said I was sorry.  I was almost to the point of using my safe word when he stopped and picked up the board he used to spank me a while back.

"Nooooo, please don't!"  

"I want this to stick this time.  We are going to do five, and I want you to say 'I will take time to let go of my stress'. Do you understand?"


Those were the five most painful swats I have ever had in my entire life.  Steve helped me redress, used a clean shop towel to wipe off my face, and we went back out to the swing.  I laid curled up on my side with my head on his lap because I couldn't sit.  He ordered pizza on his cell, and we walked back to the house.  He made me go lie in bed until the pizza came and then we ate dinner and played a board game with the kids.  When the kids went to bed, he made me go too. He joined me so that he could snuggle and comfort me until I went to sleep.

Needless to say I have a few marks on my behind today, but I feel light as a feather.  

As soon as I got home today I went straight to our room.  There was a note on the pillow that said "Relax in whatever manner you feel will work for you, but before you come out I want you to take off your work clothes, put on something comfortable and spend five full minutes in the corner.  I love you more than you can possibly imagine."    

I followed my beloved HoH's instructions to the letter, and I enjoyed one the most relaxing and wonderful evenings with my family that I have had for a long time.

I apologize for the length of this post, but it was such a milestone event that I needed to record it thoroughly for myself.

Sunday, June 26, 2011

not our fantasy

"Are you sure that you want me to blog about this?"  

"Why not?  It is gross and kind of funny.  It just goes to show that in real life things don't always go the way you fantasize, and that's okay."

"I would just as soon forget it myself." 

"It is a part of our story. Besides I promise one day we will look back on it and laugh our heads off."

"The look on your face was comical."

"That's the spirit!"

So I blame the following story on Audra (The Gift of Submission).  She recently wrote a post about butt plugs.  As far as I know Steve didn't read it, but she is still responsible for putting the butt plug vibe out to the universe!  :) Anyway here's what happened (I apologize now for grossing you out!) ... 

six hours earlier....

Steve comes up behind me while I'm in the kitchen this afternoon and whispers in my ear, "My parents are coming to pick up the troop in a little bit to take them to a movie and then to dinner. We are going to have the house to ourselves, so I intend to have some fun with you."

"Hmmm, what if I told you I already had a plan for what I was doing this afternoon?"

"Too bad.  This is a rare opportunity, and I'm going to take advantage of it.  Go on to the bedroom and strip.  I'll make sure the kids get on their way.  Oh, and to make sure you are in the right frame of mind, put in one of the butt plugs while you wait for me." 

I stood there gawking at him. It has been about a month since he last had me use a butt plug.

"Stop staring at me like a deer in headlights!  You heard me, go do it or there will be more than maintenance in your future!  

I scurried off to the bedroom and did what he asked.  It was very disconcerting to hear his parents in the house while I'm lying naked on the bed with a butt plug in my bottom. 

I died a little death when I heard his mom ask, "Where's Julia?"  

"She's lying down in the bedroom. She has a headache," my husband the liar said. 

"Poor dear! Tell her I hope she fills better soon."

"Don't worry, I'm giving her some medicine as soon as you guys head out."   OMG! I can't believe he said that!

I heard the front door close and shivers of anticipation went down my spine.

"Put some pillows under your hips.  We're going to start by taking care of maintenance." 

Let me just say that this part of the afternoon was perfect.  He started with the wooden spoon, then moved on to the ping pong paddle, and finished with the strap.  The strapping was great. He probably gave me about a hundred swats.  They landed nice and even on both cheeks with a lot of sting. My bottom was nice and hot when he was done.

He proceeded to flip me over and went down on me.  The arousal was so intense I felt light-headed.  After a little bit he flipped himself around so that I could pleasure him at the same time.  We were both so in to it and having a great time, when the unexpected happened...

Steve touched my side in such a way that it was very ticklish, and I reacted by laughing out loud.  Before I had any control of what was happening, out flew the butt plug along with ....umm....other stuff right in Steve's face!

I flew upright with a "Holy crap!" (Bad choice of words I know!)  Now Steve looked like the deer in headlights.  He was clearly stunned.  I ran like a mad woman to get a towel to wipe him off and get the sheets off the bed.  I started babbling, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!" over and over again.  

When Steve came out of the bathroom from washing his face and hair, he grabbed me and pulled me close and said, "Will you please stop saying you're sorry!  It's not your fault.  It was an accident.  I didn't mean to tickle you, if it's anyone's fault it is mine."

I broke down sobbing at that point.  "That was so humiliating!"  

"Stop it right now! It is okay.  It's not your fault and you have nothing to be embarrassed about!  Besides [he put a wicked grin on his face] now we know that is one fettish we will never be into!"

I slapped him and hugged him and even managed a smile at that point.

"Why don't we get back in bed and carry on." 

"I'm so not in the mood now."

"Well, I'll fix that." 

He did and it was a great afternoon.  If I could just blot out that incident it would have been a fantasy afternoon. 

Alas, real life has a way altering fantasy fast.  So the next time one of your romantic interludes doesn't go the way you expect, just remember poor Steve and me.  It might make your evening not seem so bad!  ;)

Thursday, June 23, 2011

separation of purpose

I love to be spanked. I love it a lot. I am willing to admit that. 

I am usually aroused any time I am spanked.  Sometimes during punishment I am not, but usually it springs to life as soon as Steve is done.

Many people keep it in tidy little cubbies neatly separated. It just isn't for me.  It was my interest in spanking that led me to domestic discipline to begin with.  In terms of sexual interest and emotional output, it is one messy ball of tangled up yarn for Steve and me.

That being said, there is separation of purpose.  I didn't have to have a domestic discipline relationship with my husband in order to be spanked.  I am 100% certain that I could have just told Steve, "Babe, I want you to spank me."  Steve is obsessed enough with my bottom that he would have jumped on that easily enough. We could have easily stayed in the sexual play arena. There's only one problem with that.  Only my needs would have been met.

As I researched domestic discipline in its various forms, I realized that bringing this to our marriage would benefit both of us.  It would provide Steve a window of opportunity for growth that he has never had, and for me it would be a respid from the pressures of leadership. There were clear and defined intellectual reasons for participating in a dd lifestyle.

For us, though, the separation of purposes doesn't matter when it comes to living it. 

Steve spanks me because we both enjoy the sexual arousal that results. 

Steve spanks me because the endorphin release is a great stress reliever for me.

Steve spanks me because sometimes I need to know that he's in charge.

Steve spanks me because I need to be reminded of what my best self should be.

It is all messy and undefined, but ultimately it is not the intellectual reasons why that matters to us.

What matters  is what are we getting out of it all... a great marriage that is now supercharged with more intimacy and communication! 

Sunday, June 19, 2011

the reason why

It took a lot of reflection, but I believe I know what I was feeling Thursday night and why I was feeling that way.

The emotion I was experiencing was loneliness.  That isn't an emotion I've had during a spanking before, and it took me a while to process it.

Almost always when Steve is spanking me we are connected in some way.  Usually I am over his lap or knee.  Even when I am kneeling in the stuffed chair or laying over the bed, he has his hand on me or touches me frequently.

When he had me stand and was spanking me with the paddle there was no contact between us, only the pain of the strokes.  That was when I had an intense moment of loneliness. It took a lengthy snuggling session and two bouts of love-making to eradicate it, but I feel reconnected to Steve now.

There was nothing wrong with the punishment.  I still feel that Steve handled it exactly the way he should have. At least now I will be able to identify the emotion sooner and better express my feelings and needs to Steve.

By the way, Happy Father's Day to all the dads out there.