This is the journey of one control freak wife and one gentle spirited husband as they seek to balance their

roles in their home
and bring an extra measure of joy to their already happy marriage.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

the gift of neediness

I have always loved Steve very much, but the sense of neediness I have for my husband is something I have never experienced until we started dd.  He was always the nurturer, always making sure we hugged and kissed several times a day, always the one seeking physical and emotional connection.  I have always considered myself fortunate to have someone so attentive.  Mind you, he still does all of that, but the dynamic has definitely shifted.  I'm just as likely or even more likely to initiate this contact now, where I rarely did so before. It was one of the very first things that changed, and it is a change that Steve has welcomed.

In addition, I find myself being super sensitive to any perceived displeasure on his part. Over the last couple of days I have cried over the simplest of comments that would have never bothered me.  Of course he has quickly responded to my distress by holding me and talking to me.  Of course we both recognize that some of that is purely monthly hormonal shifts, but not all of it.  I have been experiencing some of this neediness and vulnerability for a couple of weeks.  It is very scary to me.

I have always been a self-reliant, don't-need-anyone, control freak.  I am mortified now that I used to joke around with my friends during girls night out that if I got a dildo, a nanny, and a housekeeper then Steve would be unnecessary.  I used to say that about the love of my life.  I said that about the person who has emotionally invested everything in me.  There are few things I regret.  I regret letting those words come out of my mouth.

Needing my husband and being vulnerable is scary, but I never want to go back to taking him for granted the way I did before.  He deserves as much of me emotionally as he has given me. I am glad that dd has given me the gift of truly understanding how much I need Steve, how much we need each other, and how precious our relationship is in a world where good marriages like ours are too few.


  1. I was caught off guard with the vulnerability I felt when I finally stepped out of my shell. To trust him with me was a very scary thing. And although we've never been happier, I've had deep regrets about the way I treated him. Without a doubt, he deserved better.

    But...he now has better, he now has what he deserves and our slate is clean. I shake my head sometimes at the way we were but we certainly appreciate where we are now!

  2. Rogue - It is amazing what a gift dd is. It has really brought balance to our lives. Steve had always said that he knew that he needed me more than I needed him. Now that couldn't be further from the truth.