This is the journey of one control freak wife and one gentle spirited husband as they seek to balance their

roles in their home
and bring an extra measure of joy to their already happy marriage.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

today was different

I'm not one who ever does anything lightly.  When I considered asking my husband for a DD relationship I spent weeks reading blogs, internet articles, and books.  It is the control freak part of my nature.  I want to know what to expect and when to expect it.  I'm not a patient person either.  So that begs the question, why on earth would I want a DD relationship?  It is sometimes difficult to know what to expect - there is no "this is the way you do it".  As a control freak perfectionist, I want our relationship to progress as the rate I expect, which is the total opposite of the submissive role I'm longing for. It is messy, messy, messy.  That's what I need - messy, something I cannot control, but only be in the moment.  It is like gardening - in order to have a beautiful result, you must get messy first. You have to feel that soil squishing through your fingers. You have to accept that there will be pests and bad weather. You must acknowledge that you are at the mercy of the mysteries of mother nature.  This was the image I had when I named my blog. I wanted to get messy and watch us grow into something even more beautiful that we already were. A daunting task for sure. Only thirteen days have gone by, a small amount of time in the grand scheme of things, but it has been long enough to see the seed germinate and a tiny shoot come up. I mentioned yesterday that we had experienced growth in the spanking area, but that pales to what happened today.  Wednesdays are particularly hectic for us.  Steve plays on a city billiards team and the children and I have church obligations.  Today was really bad because things at work were incredibly stressful, and I was a walking storehouse of anxiety.  The maintenance spanking did little for it because we were trying to squeeze it in between these other things. When the children came home it became the usual battle royal to get them to do what needed to be done so that we could leave on time.  Usually my husband just gives me a hug and says "relax, they'll get over it", leaving me to actually deal with the situation. Today was different. Today my husband was my hero.  Today he took control of the situation.  Today he told our children that their behavior was unacceptable.  Today he took away their tv and computer privileges for a couple of days.  Today he made each of them apologize to me for not obeying me with alacrity.  Today he told me I was to take them to the local sandwich shop before church instead of the usual fast food because he's decided they need to eat something healthier on Wednesday nights. Today he told them they were to get fruit and milk instead of chips and soda.  Today he said to them, "because I want you to" instead of "because your mother wants you to".  Today I felt some of the weight slip off my shoulders.  Today I saw a tiny seedling popping out of the messy dirt, and I was happy.

8 comments:

  1. My husband has become an even better father, since I can no longer step in and "direct" or challenge his parenting. When we first started, it was something I got in trouble for frequently. But I'm making progress. :)

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  2. I'm incredibly happy for you! And I very much enjoyed your garden analogy.

    Best of luck on the rest of your journey!

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  3. Stormy - I was so thrilled for him to step in. He has always been the nurturer and I've been the disciplinarian. The children's level of respect for their dad visibly increased. When we were at the sandwich shop, one of my children tried to weasel me into getting baked chips instead of fruit. I promptly handed him the cell phone and said, "Your dad said fruit, but you can call and ask him." "Never mind" was the response. We are almost always on the same page when it comes to the children; I'm hoping I'll be able to keep my mouth shut in front of the children if I ever do disagree with him. Now that he has taken steps to take authority I really don't want to undermine it.

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  4. This is She - Thank you for your well wishes. I love gardening because it such a primal activity (like spanking!). My children get annoyed with my gardening analogies. It's nice to have someone appreciate it.

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  5. I also enjoyed your garden analogy. It makes perfect sense! I'm glad things are going well. I too am one who at times wants things to progress at the rate I expect it to, and life just doesnt work that way. I've had to adjust my views on some things, and realize that I need patience. This is not just new ground for us, but for the HOH's too. There will be mistakes made on both ends. The important thing is to keep the lines of communication open and deal with things head on (something I learned the hard way recently.) Welcome to the blogging world! I look forward to reading more about your journey :)

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  6. Thank you for your welcome. I have enjoyed reading other blogs and learning from everyone's experiences.

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  7. Brovo my friend (if I may refer to you as such? )
    Well Done You!! Kiss that Man!! He should kiss you for what you have both woken up to. He is the leader. It takes someone strong to follow such a man. Well Done You!

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