Thursday, March 3, 2011
today was different
I'm not one who ever does anything lightly. When I considered asking my husband for a DD relationship I spent weeks reading blogs, internet articles, and books. It is the control freak part of my nature. I want to know what to expect and when to expect it. I'm not a patient person either. So that begs the question, why on earth would I want a DD relationship? It is sometimes difficult to know what to expect - there is no "this is the way you do it". As a control freak perfectionist, I want our relationship to progress as the rate I expect, which is the total opposite of the submissive role I'm longing for. It is messy, messy, messy. That's what I need - messy, something I cannot control, but only be in the moment. It is like gardening - in order to have a beautiful result, you must get messy first. You have to feel that soil squishing through your fingers. You have to accept that there will be pests and bad weather. You must acknowledge that you are at the mercy of the mysteries of mother nature. This was the image I had when I named my blog. I wanted to get messy and watch us grow into something even more beautiful that we already were. A daunting task for sure. Only thirteen days have gone by, a small amount of time in the grand scheme of things, but it has been long enough to see the seed germinate and a tiny shoot come up. I mentioned yesterday that we had experienced growth in the spanking area, but that pales to what happened today. Wednesdays are particularly hectic for us. Steve plays on a city billiards team and the children and I have church obligations. Today was really bad because things at work were incredibly stressful, and I was a walking storehouse of anxiety. The maintenance spanking did little for it because we were trying to squeeze it in between these other things. When the children came home it became the usual battle royal to get them to do what needed to be done so that we could leave on time. Usually my husband just gives me a hug and says "relax, they'll get over it", leaving me to actually deal with the situation. Today was different. Today my husband was my hero. Today he took control of the situation. Today he told our children that their behavior was unacceptable. Today he took away their tv and computer privileges for a couple of days. Today he made each of them apologize to me for not obeying me with alacrity. Today he told me I was to take them to the local sandwich shop before church instead of the usual fast food because he's decided they need to eat something healthier on Wednesday nights. Today he told them they were to get fruit and milk instead of chips and soda. Today he said to them, "because I want you to" instead of "because your mother wants you to". Today I felt some of the weight slip off my shoulders. Today I saw a tiny seedling popping out of the messy dirt, and I was happy.