It really hurts to sit and write this post. My bottom is just burning sooo bad. It is hard for me to believe that less than 24 hours ago, I was feeling frustrated over Steve's consistency. I will be careful in the future to think before I complain again. I already wrote about my morning punishment, but I got punished again this evening.
Even with a sore bottom, I still lost it this afternoon. I was trying to get my youngest two children to an event on time. Steve had the older two for some quality Dad time. They were really pushing my buttons, but I remained calm and got them out the door in time. Then I went to start the car and found the gas light on indicating I needed gas very soon. That was the straw that broke the camel's back. I lost it ...........yelling, profanity, saying some really ugly things about Steve (because he had mentioned that he would put gas in the car). I will say that I stopped myself by the time I got to the gas station around the corner, which is faster than previous tirades, but as I turned off the car I realized that my talkative, bubbly kids were sitting in stunned silence. I immediately apologized to them for my outburst and making them listen to such ugly stuff and asked for their forgiveness (something I never did prior to dd). They smiled and said they understood because they know how much I hate to be late. "Besides," the older one said, "It's been a while since you have done that. You used to do it all the time." I smiled while I was pumping gas, realizing that another one of my children had noticed changes. The smile was quickly replaced with a frown, when I realized that I was going to have to tell Steve. "Man, he is going to be really upset with me for making him have to spank me twice in one day." We ended up being less than 10 minutes late, and I couldn't help but think that it hadn't been worth all of the angst.
Fast forward to this evening. After all the kids were in bed, including my adult daughter, Steve walked up behind me in the hallway and hugged me. "What's wrong babe, I can tell something is bothering you." I told him the whole story in graphic detail including sharing with him my fears of him becoming irritated with me for having to spank me all the time. "First of all, I love you very much. Second of all, I knew that when you asked this of me that it was going to be rough going in the beginning and that it would take a lot to undo these behaviors. Third, I think you and I have both come an incredibly long way in less than a month. Our children are noticing the positive changes in us, which was why you wanted us to do this. The negative habits didn't start overnight and they are not going to go away overnight. Now that I have become much more comfortable and realize that I am not really hurting you in the long term the discipline is getting increasingly harder and will start to motivate you even more. And lastly, before it gets any later, grab the box and we'll go over to the office." "The kids are asleep, you really think we need to go over to the office." "I think there is a possibility that C (our adult daughter) might still be awake. Besides you may get pretty vocal before I am done." "Oh."
We walked hand in hand over to the office, and Steve watched me as I stripped off my shoes, jeans, and panties. Normally, I do all of these things alone, so that was different and surprisingly embarrassing. Since we had already done so much talking about it in the hall, he had me get immediately in position over his lap. He began swatting my bottom hard with his hand. "You know it is okay to get frustrated sometimes, your only human. You just need to find ways to deal with it that doesn't involve yelling and cursing in front of the kids. Oh, and by the way, I told you when J and I got home from baseball practice yesterday that I took the other car because we were running behind and that you would still need to get gas before you headed out again. Remember?" "Oh, I do remember. I'm sorry, it wasn't even your fault." "Even if it had been my fault, talking about me like that in front of the kids still violates what we are trying to accomplish. Right? "Yes, I'm so sorry." This was the first time he has ever lectured me during the spanking, and I began to cry. My bottom was still sore from this morning, so his hand was painful, and I was so sad that he was having to spank me again. "I'm going to use the wood spatula with the hole now, instead of the slotted spoon. I know you're still sore from this morning." "Thank you." The spatula is much less painful than the slotted spoon, but considering the state of my behind it still really hurt. Corner time was next as expected. He gave me a good four or five minutes. "Get into position to be paddled. We're going to do sets of 10 until I think it is enough. Count them." I started crying again before he even swung. He swung hard enough that I could hear the ping pong paddle moving through the air before it contacted my bottom. I was sobbing out the counts. He paused for a couple of minutes after each set. After the third set he asked, "Do you want me to keep going?" I shook my head no. "Ok, then this will be our last set, count it." He made the last 10 really memorable. I'm not sure whether the last counts were audible, it hurt so bad. He paused before the last stroke of the set. He swung hard and made contact dead center on my sit spot. I yelled out. He immediately gathered me into his arms and cuddled and stroked my back and bottom until I stopped crying.
"I really want us to do what we can to avoid this hard of a spanking as much as possible. I've been doing some more reading (that took me by surprise), and I think we need to do some reminder spankings in the morning after the kids leave for school and work. We have enough time before we have to be at the office. I think we should do a set of 10 with either the paddle or belt every morning, until you are consistently going without punishments. That will be instead of the Wed. and Sat. maintenance too unless you end up still wanting those. What do you think?" "It's worth a try."
I love this man so much. I am so blessed to have him. I am so proud of him, and how he has stepped up to this new role and is doing his best. I'm going to get in bed now, because 2:30am is coming fast, and I know I'm going to get woken up for some middle of the night sex. That will twice in under 24 hours too!! ;)