The 2:30 am Special

It appears Steve has started developing a thing for spanking me at 2:30 in the morning.  I went to bed thinking he was just going to wait until tomorrow to spank me, but NO...he woke me up and told me to roll over and get on top of the pillows.  He pulled down my panties and proceeds to spank me bare bottom with his hand.  Once I was nice and warm, he followed this with the small wooden spoon.  That was a first for us, and I was surprised that such a small thing applied with little force could produce such a sting!  He is definitely spanking me for longer periods of time so I was wiggling and saying ow out loud.  I was very pleasantly surprised when he kept on going.  Usually when I am indicating it is really hurting, he backs off.  When he decided he was done (or so I thought) he proceeded to rub my behind and we started kissing passionately. I thought sex was the next thing on the agenda.  He surprised me again by rolling me back over on to my stomach and giving me another hand spanking. When we snuggled up the second time, we were both so relaxed we instantly dropped of to sleep. I woke up first this morning and couldn't help but admire his morning wood.  Knowing that he likes to be woken up while I am touching him, I proceeded to fondle him until I couldn't stand it and got on top.  He woke up right as I was slipping it in.  He gave me a huge smile and said, "Naughty girl!"  He gave me some swats on the behind while I was riding him.  It didn't take either of us very long to get to the destination.  It also didn't take us long to get revved back up and this time he got me on my hands and knees gave me a quick warm-up hand spanking and then took me hard from behind. If I can keep getting sex like that, then he can keep waking me up at 2:30 in the morning!    

shouldn't skip a day

After our 2:30am punishment session, I was actually very well behaved on Friday (except for missing a dose of medicine), so I had some corner time, but no spanking Friday night. I thought that was good since he had spanked me every night since we started on the 18th.  WRONG!! I woke up this morning feeling cranky, and by the time I got back to the house from a morning meeting, I was very "out of sorts".  I didn't even have to bother with the "signal" behavior because Steve could feel the tension dripping off of me and asked me did I need a maintenance spanking.  I wanted to smack him (which isn't rational); I wanted to scream YES, YES, YES!!!. I took a deep breath and said "Yes, please" instead.  If only he could have done it then and there, but we're having to wait until  tonight because of the children. I've managed to hold it together for the rest of the day, but I'm going to pop out of my skin soon.  I hope he comes to the conclusion that we don't need to skip a day for the near future.

Let's give him some reasons.   A SPANKING A DAY KEEPS ..........   Anyone want to finish that?

Lucky Girl

My husband kept his promise and woke me up when he got home.  It was 2:30 in the morning.  I was once again on my knees for confession of my rule breaking and lecturing by him. The hand spanking OTL was again harder and longer than previously.  This was followed by 12 strikes of the belt.  It was only supposed to be 10, but his decided the last two weren't good enough and gave me two more blistering shots. I cringed and smiled at the same time.  As of 8:30am I still have several large welts on my bottom, and it stung when I sat down on this dining room chair.  It still isn't as severe as it probably needs to be to stop my rule breaking, but I feel so much better this morning than I did yesterday evening. I know that I am a Lucky, Lucky girl to have a husband who is working so hard to give me what I want and need.   

at home alone struggling

I'm having a hard day today.  I've broken rules 4 times today and it is only 5:00pm.  I'm also struggling with the idea of being punished by Steve because he's made some decisions today regarding what was going on at home that I think are selfish.  That deep rooted spirit of rebellion is rearing its ugly head and saying to me "he's not worthy of being the HOH, you need to scrap this and take back over control".  Since I asked for this lifestyle, I know he would just drop it if I said forget it.  I know that I don't want to forget it.  I have so much responsibility for our business (I owned it first and he became a partner later); I NEED for him to be in control at home.  I NEED to be able to completely surrender to him with the things we agreed he would have authority over.  I also realize that his worthiness is not the issue.  He has to deal with his worthiness, not me.  I NEED for him to spank me until I'm begging for mercy. I NEED for him to whip me with his belt until I have totally surrendered.  Maybe I am crazy for wanting this.  Then on top of it all, he isn't going to be home until late tonight.  He says he's going to deal with the punishment when he gets home even if he has to wake me up.  We'll see.  If he does it half-ass, I think I'll scream.  I'm feeling angry, resentful, and rebellious, and I'm not 100% sure why I'm feeling this way. We had such a good day yesterday.  If there is anyone out there who reads this, and has any empathy or understanding, or just some small bit of input, correction, or encouragement please let me know.  I feel lost in a sea of emotional oblivion. 

good punishment

I tried to be good today, but the profanity rule got me again, twice.  I also got impatient and yelled at my youngest child when it wasn't necessary. These are really bad, well-ingrained habits. I felt horrible, because my husband is really struggling with punishment spanking.  Our first punishment spanking wasn't very successful.  However, we made significant progress this evening.  We really connected emotionally during the lecture.  He sat on the edge of the bed and had me kneel down in front of him. He gently put his hand under my chin and questioned me about my behavior and why it needs to change. I think for the first time he really understood that my behavior was really hurting my heart.  He lectured me in his quiet, gentle voice which caused my shame to triple. Despite being a tall and burley-looking man, Steve is soft spoken.  It would have felt fake had he tried to use a really stern voice. He then put me over his knee and gave me the longest hand spanking he's ever given me.  It actually started hurting enough that I tried to cover my bottom with my hand.  I was surprised that he didn't stop.  He grabbed my hand and moved it out of the way and kept right on going.  This was followed by the belt.  This is where he struggles.  He opted for 4 strokes (1 for each offense plus one reminder.)  These were harder than the previous time he used the belt. Then he made me stand facing the wall until he retrieved me.  Emotionally this punishment session was very effective.  I felt ashamed and embarrassed about my behavior.  Physically it still wasn't harsh enough to make me not want to experience it again, but we're getting there.  The success of this session has led us to adopt a tracking system. I will be responsible for recording each time I break one of the rules and have been punished for it.  Each time I violate the same rule Steve will add a stroke of the belt.  We feel this will allow Steve to become more comfortable with delivering harsher punishment, and it will help him recognize that it is justified because the previous punishment was not hard enough to deter me.  It has been a good dd day.           

mmm...maintenance

We had our first maintenance spanking today during our lunch break.  We live within easy walking distance of our business, so we took advantage of the empty house to do the spanking in the living room on the couch. It was an OTL hand spanking.  If you have read any of the previous entries, you know that Steve is good with the verbal side, but is still struggling with embracing actually making me feel pain.  We decided to treat this one like a harder version of our erotic spanking.  We kissed sensually and hugged before he put me over his lap. It went on longer, and he applied more speed than he has in the past.  I wasn't ever in pain, but I was getting a nice burning sensation.  His arm was getting tired, so we stopped, but it was enough to make me feel close to him, happy and content.  Right now that is the point of our maintenance - simply fulfilling my need to be spanked by him.

I have actually been very good today thus far.  Seeing his emotional turmoil yesterday from trying to administer punishment has had the effect of making me want to spare this man that I love and respect the pain of trying to punish me.  I'm hoping I'll make it through the day.

In the meantime, I think I will enjoy these last few moments of my lunch break to enjoy the heat radiating from my bottom.  Mmmmmmmmmm!

discouraged and encouraged

I got my punishment spanking. If you can even call it that. My husband had me lay face down on the bed with pillows under my hips.  He pulled down my panties and began using his belt.  It was harder than yesterday and at stroke 7 or 8 I curled up one of my legs and let out a soft high pitched "eenh".  My husband became anxious because he could tell it was starting to hurt, and he bailed.  He told me that was all he could do and to stay laying face down and he would check on me later.  Then he walked out.  I started to cry.  Not because my bottom was hurting - when I checked it after he left it wasn't even warm yet.  Not because I was sorry for my behavior.  I started to cry because I knew I would break the same rules tomorrow, because I had no incentive not to. What was I going to do to make him understand that he isn't causing me lasting harm by spanking me hard enough to regret my behavior?  How was I going to convince him that he is doing this because he loves me?  How do I help him realize that there are parts of me that are holding me back from being my best, and if I could change them on my own, I already would have?  When he came back in he knew why I was crying.  He told me he was sorry because he knows that it should have been more.  He revealed that what happened was when he saw me curl up my leg and let out that pained sound, he felt this sudden urge to spank me harder and faster and it scared the hell out of him. We talked for a while and agreed we would just try it again the next time I earned a punishment.  Do you know what he said then?  "That may be sooner than later, because I've decided to add the rule about you not being late to work without a valid excuse starting tomorrow."  He may turn into a disciplinarian yet.    

Dang It!

It is only 10:30am my time, and I have already earned my first real "set my butt on fire" punishment spanking.  I knew the profanity rule was going to get me.  I hope I'll take it ok.  I'm going to be on pins and needles all day thinking about what I have coming.

first day of rules

Today is our first day with our rules.  I'm very nervous about whether I can keep them.  My bottom still smarts from last night. Hopefully that will help me remember. 

I forgot the rewards part

I was so sexually charged after the spanking and our rules discussion that I was ecstatic when my husband revealed that he had a serious hard on!  I suggested that maybe my mouth could be used for good.  He dragged me to the bedroom.  I would have sucked him right in the dining room, but alas, we never know when one of the children are going to get up to go to the bathroom.  As soon as he got off, he promptly started attending to me.  I don't think I have ever gotten to the big O so fast and so hard in my life!!!  That is one serious reward ;) 

Rules and Rewards

We have hashed out the rules.  We have agreed that I will get a punishment spanking for the following reasons:

1. forgetting to take doses of medicine (this was on my list - I have a chronic illness that requires maintenance medication four times a day to keep it under control - I forget all the time and consequently lapse into illness - my husband had tried reminding me in the past and would get a nasty response for his efforts)

2. yelling or using sarcasm in a biting way (my list- my dad was an army drill sergeant and verbally abusive - I don't like hearing him coming out of me - Steve revealed to me that it hasn't bothered him personally, but he doesn't like it when I'm yelling at our children.)

3. using profanity (Steve's list - he told me he can't stand it when I use profanity.  According to him a woman with the intelligence, outer beauty, and inner beauty that I have should not be using profanity.  He has never revealed that before now. We've been married for 15 years.  I'm wondering if he ever would have had I not asked him to enter into a DD relationship.)

4. failing to clean up after myself in a reasonable amount of time (reasonable tbd by him) (Steve's list - I have to admit I'm not surprised by this one - I knew that he didn't like that)

There were other things on our lists, but we wanted to start out simple so we choose two from each of our lists that we felt would make the most difference in my life personally and as a family.

Other rules:
If I break more than one rule in a day, I will receive a punishment spanking, receive a break (length of time tbd by Steve) and then receive my second one.  If there are more than two infractions in one day, the additional punishment spankings will be rolled over onto the next day.  Maintenance will be on Wed. and Sat. for now.  If I have a punishment spanking coming on Wed. or Sat. it will be in lieu of the maintenance (for now).  If I am very well behaved and find that I am desiring a spanking in between maintenance, we have selected a benign behavior so that I can non-verbally express my need to him, without resorting to "bratting".  This is completely exclusive of erotic spanking which we will continue to engage in whenever we are both desiring to do so.

So those are our rules.  Any thoughts?

OMG! The Belt Hurts!

Well, I have a feeling that the belt will be the implement of choice for punishment spankings for a while.  I thought he had forgotten, the children were in bed asleep and he didn't say anything.  I was watching something on tv and he came and sat behind me and I was leaning against his chest like I always do.  About half way through the show, he paused the DVR and told me to go into our bedroom and wait for him. When I turned around and looked at him he said, "I wouldn't hesitate if I were you."  I scurried off the couch and practically ran to our bedroom. As soon as I walked in my eyes fell onto the bed and the belt laid across it.  His favorite one, the one he wears almost every day.  Crazy, I should have been nervous, but I was getting wet.  Since he hadn't given me any other instructions, I just stood by the bed.  He left me waiting about five minutes.  When he came in he sat down on the bed next to where I was standing.  He pulled me over to him and looked me in the eye.  "So, why am I spanking you?"  "Because I got really ugly when we were trying to discuss what to do at work today."  "Yes, you did.  You even used the "F" word.  A woman with a science degree is too intelligent to be using profanity to express themselves.  Here's what's going to happen:  you're going to take off your pants, your going to lean over this bed, and I am going to use the belt on your pantied bottom.  Since we don't have a formal rule list, I'm going to take it easy.  I promise you if it happens again, I won't take it easy.  I'll set your butt on fire.  When we're done, I'm going to give you a few minutes alone to think about what needs to be on the rule list, and I'll do the same.  We will have  a formal agreement before you go to bed.  Do you understand?"  All I could do was nod.  I was stunned that my gentle, quiet husband was taking control. I was thrilled, but the nerves were setting in.  I did what he said and got into position.  He didn't make me wait long. Down came the belt hard a total of six times.  The panties weren't a whole lot of protection.  My legs were doing a jig. My eyes started to water.  He pulled me up.  "So did it hurt?"  I nodded.  "More than the paddle?"  I nodded more fervently.  "So you think if I were to use my belt for a real punishment spanking, you would get the message?"  I managed to say yes out loud that time. "Good.  Pull down your panties and let me take a look."  I complied quickly.  "Nice and red, but no new bruising.  I can live with that. Pull them back up and put on your pants.  Take a few minutes and when you are ready come out to the dining room table, and we will hash out the formalities."  I didn't think about the list, I had been thinking about that already for over a week.  What I was thinking about was how this was finally happening.  What I had been dreaming about for months.  That when my mouth was totally out of control, and I was treating the man I love so much with such disrespect, that he would step in and stop me.  Hallelujah - my bottom actually hurts!

experiment

My bottom is apparently going to be experimented on tonight.  I got very pushy and sarcastic at work today with Steve (we own a business together). Although we haven't had a chance to sit down and really hash out our rules list, Steve knows from my letter to him that one of the main things I want to change is not to get rude with him when we are decision making.  When he reached to hug me, I was surprised. My eyes got wide as saucers when he whispered in my ear, "You just earned that experiment you wanted.  We're going to find out tonight if the belt is a better option."   Very pleasant chills went down my spine at the time, but I was pretty quiet the rest of the afternoon. Now I'm just flat out nervous about what I have gotten myself into.  EEK!

Eureka! He's starting to get it

Well I didn't hear him come in, but he read the note on his pillow while I was in the shower. I had gotten out of the shower and was dressed and brushing my teeth when he came up behind me, yanked down my pants and panties, bent me over the sink and delivered five really sharp whacks to my bare behind with his hand.  My husband is 6ft 2in. tall and has BIG hands to match. He turned me around and with a stern voice said, "You are going to stop trying to control this! We are going to work on this together. Do you understand?"  It took everything in me not to grin from ear to ear.  "Yes, thank you," I said.  He casually leaned against the wall and in his normal tone said, "So, is that what you had in mind?"  I couldn't help but smile then and embraced him and kissed him.  We had a nice conversation then about his desire to finish reading the book and us having a much more detailed conversation about what we are doing. His concern is that I don't really understand how it makes him feel when he is looking at my bruised behind and knows he did that.  He is really struggling with that.  He asked for my patience while he comes to terms with it and accepts my reassurances that I really am OK.

Finally on to today...I messed up

We ran into a snag this morning because I was being pushy.  I told you in the intro that I was a control freak.  That is not an exaggeration.  I am a type A, bossy, control freak.  There is nothing wrong with me having a type A leadership personality but it takes a toll on my relationships and on myself.  I deal with unbelievable levels of stress because I have difficulty in trusting others and delegating.  Proof that I'm a control freak....I'm already trying to control the spanking.  I was being pushy because I wanted my husband to spank me again this morning.  I had wanted him to try his belt, thinking it might do the job without bruising as much.  He took one look at the bruises from last night (which of course had gotten darker) and he balked.  It ensued an argument.  Frustrated to the point of tears, I told him I was gong to take a shower and get ready for a meeting I had this afternoon.  I immediately felt bad and wrote him a note saying that I was sorry for trying to control it all and that I would back off until he was ready.  After all I had asked him to take the lead.  I left it on his pillow.  I hope I don't have to wait long.

The journey has begun...

Saturday, Feb. 19, 2011 - Well the journey has begun.  Although Steve hasn't finished the book I gave him, I talked him into spanking me tonight.  I told him I wanted us to experiment with real spanking, like a rehearsal.  That was somewhat of a mistake because I still hadn't communicated with him well enough for him to understand what I want.  The first part of the spanking was a hand spanking that was very sexual (not surprising since any spanking we have ever done previously was play/erotic). I would have thoroughly enjoyed it if that was what I had in mind. It was harder than he normally would do.  I mean I still enjoyed it, and I didn't criticize him for it because it was my fault for being too impatient to wait until we had really talked it all out. (guess I need to add impatience to my list of things to change!)  We continued the spanking with a paddle.  He was doing a good job of making my butt sting, but it was tolerable...too tolerable.  I was really hoping for the cathartic relief of a good cry like when I was a child, but it just didn't hurt enough.  He stopped because my "sit spot" was starting to bruise pretty badly and it was more than he could bare.  I can tell this is going to be a problem.  I just bruise way to easily...long before I experience true pain.  The bruises look way worse than they feel.  I'm sitting at our dining room table in a t-shirt and panties on a hard dining room chair to write this journal entry and it doesn't bother me.  Sure there is a little tenderness, but not "wince when I sit".  We are going to have to find a solution to that problem.  We need to find an implement that will really hurt without as much bruising (or my husband is just going to have to get over the bruises).  Maybe I'll troll some of the other blogs and see if anyone has any suggestions.  Maybe I'll get lucky and someone will read mine and give me some suggestions.  

We actually began on Feb. 18, 2011

I kept a written journal for the first couple of days before I finally figured out the whole blogging thing.  So although the intro and the next couple of posts are all dated the 20th, we actually started on the 18th.  I'll put the date at the beginning of the post so hopefully it will make more sense.

introductions

Feb. 18, 2011- Hello, I'm JW.  I have decided to keep a blog to chronicle the changes in my life and home from participating in a domestic discipline marriage.  That means a lot of things to a lot of people.  For me it means that I have surrendered my control freak nature and have asked my husband to take authority in our home as the head of the household.  We will be working out a list of things that will help me be a better person, some of them I will select, some he will select.  Once we mutually agree upon these items, my husband will be responsible for keeping them in check with discipline-mostly spanking.  To be very clear, this is something that I have requested of my husband, and something my sweet, loving, and nurturing husband has trepidations about. Also to be clear, we are happily married and this isn't an attempt to "fix" our marriage.  It is an attempt to fulfill my need for loving discipline and spanking desires.

We're at the very beginning stages.  After reading other person's blogs and websites, I ordered the excellent books from Varient Publishing called "How To Get the Spanking You Want" and "How to Give a Spanking" (which you can easily google if you want to find it).  I, of course have read both of them from cover to cover and used the advice from "How to Get..." to write my husband a letter to tell him that I wanted a spanking relationship and further one that mostly centered around discipline.  He was surprised, but accepting.  He is in the process of reading the "How to Give..." and then we are going to work out the details.  Wish me luck.