Whenever you are on a mountain top the view is always spectacular. Unfortunately, the downside is that the only thing left to do is come back down. Most of the time you get to walk back down the path and revisit all the lovely spots you found on the way up. It is gentle. Occasionally though you trip on the way back down and tumble all the way to the bottom - bruised and broken. Even more rarely, you get tossed down the mountain, and all you can do is pray that you don't die.
What led to this dramatic analogy? Our business and home worlds have collided for the first time since starting dd.
Wednesday night after Steve got home from his billiards match, he approached me to say that two of his friends had asked him about going on a four day fishing trip next week and that he wanted the time off to go. "Steve, that is a business question, not a home question. May we please wait to discuss it when we get to work tomorrow?" "Sure."
Thursday morning came, and we were sitting in the office. "So, do you think you can do without me next week?" "We've got a lot of stuff going on this week and next. Some of it is crucial to our business. Did you forget that G is already scheduled to be off Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday of next week? It's going to be pretty stressful for me already." [After me, G is probably the most important person in our business in terms of abilities and responsibilities.] "Yeh, I remembered, but I thought you might be able to do without me too." "I'm just now getting to the point where I'm not being crushed by the anxiety of the last six months, I'm not excited by the prospect of being saddled with trying to take care of all of these crucial business matters and dealing with all of the home stuff by myself." "It's just that I really wanted to go." "I understand that, it would have been fun, but there is also the issue of finances. You know we really don't have the money to spare right now." "Yeh, you're right. I'll let them know it just isn't good timing right now."
Prior to dd, I would have just told him no. Although I still had the right and authority to just tell him no, I felt it important to discuss the issue and help him come to the conclusion himself.
If only that was the end of the story, but I have spent the last two days dealing with Steve pouting about it. I just don't have patience for that. Two of our children are pouters; I can't stand it with them. I certainly can't stand it with a grown-ass man. It has affected him as HoH as well. He's turned back into a non-commital weenie.
I can't even begin to express just how much it is pissing me off! Although my dad was an abusive parent, he was and is an incredibly hard-working man. A solid work ethic is the one good thing I inherited from him. Work is something Steve tolerates when he has to. I have asked him for years to go find a job somewhere else so that I don't have to be his boss, and so all our financial eggs aren't in one basket. It has never happened. He's always been too insecure. One of my main reasons for seeking out a dd relationship was because despite the fact that I love my husband fiercely, I was getting tired of feeling like the only adult in the family. I could tell that the pressure was going to either put me in the loony bin, or I was going to end up resenting him to the point of it ruining our relationship. I was so excited to see his development, and now I'm dealing with this crap!
What really makes my blood boil is that I had to recently cancel a trip to the Grand Canyon that I had planned for two years for my 40th birthday. It was something that was on my bucket list. However, about a week before the trip some things happened that would have made it incredibly irresponsible of me to go, so I had to cancel. Was I disappointed? Hell yeah!!!! Did I pout about it and make the people around me miserable? Hell no!!!! Sometimes that is the way life works. I'm just trusting that God will give me another opportunity down the road.
I would normally chew him out in a situation like this, but that was the old us. So here I sit on the computer at 3:00 in the morning venting to you guys, while I hold my tongue and figure out how J the wife gets her HoH back. I haven't been spanked or had sex since Tuesday night and three days is a long time for me. J the wife is being neglected because J the boss has apparently tossed Steve down the mountain. :-(