This is the journey of one control freak wife and one gentle spirited husband as they seek to balance their

roles in their home
and bring an extra measure of joy to their already happy marriage.

Monday, April 11, 2011

feeling resistant

There was a time not that long ago that I could not have imagined feeling resistant to a spanking.  It took me forever to acknowledge the need, and once I did it felt like it was never going to be enough.... until last night, well, technically this morning. 

I was gone most of the weekend due to some professional responsibilities so I had not had a spanking of any kind since Thursday. We had been doing daily maintenance, so the sudden lack of spanking was leaving me feeling down.  When I got back on Sunday afternoon, Steve and I only had a brief period of time to talk and reconnect before he had to leave for a pre-planned social engagement. 

"I'll probably be pretty late.  Why don't you try to go to bed early and I'll wake you up when I get home so we can get in some maintenance."  "Okay."  "Are you alright?"   "Yes and no.  I don't know what is going on with me right now.  I just feel unsettled."  "Do you want me to cancel and stay home?"    He is such a wonderful man!  "Yes, but I know you have been looking forward to this, and I'm not going to let whatever this is interfere with that.  I'm going to take the troop to the park to walk on the nature trail and get some dinner.  I'll be fine." "Are you sure?"  "Yes, I'm sure, please go."  "Alright, thanks baby.  I love you a lot."  "I know [grin]"  (You have to be a Han Solo and Princess Leia fan to get that last interaction.)  A quick swat on the behind and a long kiss and he was out the door.

I was fine until the kids were in bed... then the feeling started to grow.  I tried to go to sleep but couldn't, so I did what I always do in those  I was still in the middle of cleaning out a kitchen cabinet when he got home at 2:00 in the morning.  

"What are you doing up?"   "I couldn't sleep.  The more I tried, the more the anxiety started to grow.  I started working to control it."  "You should have called me."  "I started to, but I felt better once I started cleaning out the cabinets. I really didn't want to interupt your fun."  He reached over and pulled me to him and hugged me hard.  "You are more important to me than any of that.  Call me next time."  I nodded against his chest.  "Do you still want to do the spanking or do you want to just come to bed and we can do it tomorrow." 

That's when it happened. I don't know how to explain it, but I had this revolt inside my body that screamed 'noooooooo!'  Outside my body, I put on my most ambivilant and nonchalant face and said, "Well, that is your decision, babe, not mine.  We can wait until tomorrow if you think that would be better."  Ohhh, the sheer manipulativeness of it!!!!  He pondered for a moment.  "No, something inside is telling me we need to go ahead and do it. It is just a maintanance isn't it?"  I hung my head.  That was the problem.  I knew that I needed to tell him that I had some punishment coming and that was why I was feeling so resistant inside.  "No, I have some rule violations to tell you about.  I also need to confess that I was trying to be manipulative just now to try to postpone this."  "It is alright, we are going to fix it."

Fifteen minutes later I was crying and being held tightly in his arms. My bottom was throbbing like never before. I was also being reassured that everything was going to be okay no matter what. We went to bed and I slept like a baby.  God bless domestic discipline.


  1. I'm so glad that I can read your blog because I feel like you're miles ahead of me in your journey, and it gives me something to look forward to.

    You and your husband clearly have really great communication. I'm working on mine, and this is good encouragement to keep on going.

  2. Sometimes the process is not very pleasant, but it does work, doesn't it? Sara

  3. It's amazing what hitting that reset button can do! I slept like a baby last night, too -- I was up 400 times. ;)

  4. Reset button! That's something I haven't heard before.

    Anyway, JW, That post was something I really enjoyed reading. Can't get enough of that kind of thing. "I also need to confess that I was trying to be manipulative just now to try to postpone this." That's so much what I would like to hear, but confessions are seldom heard in my home. I wonder if I discourage them?

  5. Steel Rose - Lengths of journeys are relative, some people walk miles going in a circle. Keep moving forward and you'll always be ahead of the crowd. In terms of communication, this is an area where Steve and I have always been naturally blessed. The key to great communication is to constantly practice being a really good listener not only to what is being said, but how and then not interjecting your version into it. Some people start working on their response the second the other person starts talking. I know I used to do that when I was much younger. Listen carefully, say what you mean (no games), and never make it a personal attack. If you do those things it will make a difference. :)

  6. Sara - It works in so many ways. Your blog is one of the main inspirations for me introducing this to our marriage and I'm so glad that I did.

    Rogue - That is such a good way to describe it, it is very much like pushing a reset button. Sorry you slept like the colicky baby! ;)

    Malcolm - I am the naturally dominate one in our relationship, so I made a conscious decision from the get go to avoid manipulating him and trying to top from the bottom. It stems from a deep desire to make this shift from dominate to submissive in my personal life. Plus Steve and I talk a lot. May I humbly suggest that you pose that last question to your wife and then really listen to the answer? I am blessed in that Steve unconditionally accepts me and makes sure I know it.