This is the journey of one control freak wife and one gentle spirited husband as they seek to balance their

roles in their home
and bring an extra measure of joy to their already happy marriage.

Thursday, June 23, 2011

separation of purpose

I love to be spanked. I love it a lot. I am willing to admit that. 

I am usually aroused any time I am spanked.  Sometimes during punishment I am not, but usually it springs to life as soon as Steve is done.

Many people keep it in tidy little cubbies neatly separated. It just isn't for me.  It was my interest in spanking that led me to domestic discipline to begin with.  In terms of sexual interest and emotional output, it is one messy ball of tangled up yarn for Steve and me.

That being said, there is separation of purpose.  I didn't have to have a domestic discipline relationship with my husband in order to be spanked.  I am 100% certain that I could have just told Steve, "Babe, I want you to spank me."  Steve is obsessed enough with my bottom that he would have jumped on that easily enough. We could have easily stayed in the sexual play arena. There's only one problem with that.  Only my needs would have been met.

As I researched domestic discipline in its various forms, I realized that bringing this to our marriage would benefit both of us.  It would provide Steve a window of opportunity for growth that he has never had, and for me it would be a respid from the pressures of leadership. There were clear and defined intellectual reasons for participating in a dd lifestyle.

For us, though, the separation of purposes doesn't matter when it comes to living it. 

Steve spanks me because we both enjoy the sexual arousal that results. 

Steve spanks me because the endorphin release is a great stress reliever for me.

Steve spanks me because sometimes I need to know that he's in charge.

Steve spanks me because I need to be reminded of what my best self should be.

It is all messy and undefined, but ultimately it is not the intellectual reasons why that matters to us.

What matters  is what are we getting out of it all... a great marriage that is now supercharged with more intimacy and communication! 


  1. well said. I feel the same way. i m sure my hubby would do it just because I liked it but what would we get out of it really?

  2. it is just one big tangled ball of emotions and such, isn't it?? You really hit the nail on the head....very, very well said. I think sometimes those of us in a Dd relationship are afraid to voice those sexual it somehow is going to diminish the other dynamics of our lifestyle. Thanks for being honest.

  3. JW,

    Good post! The sexual component is my favorite part of a spanking. Call me kinky, but it is what it is;).


  4. Nice post! I don't think it sounds "messy and undefined" at all, but rather a reflection of the fact that we are all of us, complicated with emotions. I completely agree with both the sexual and the marital dynamic living side by side, intertwining, but not being exactly the same either. Unless you live it, I am not sure you can understand it, but it was very clear to me! Sara

  5. Great post! If "Steve spanks me because" were a multiple choice question, I would have to answer 'all of the above'. :)

  6. It's so good that you know yourself so well, and it's important to have both of your needs being met.

  7. Lovely...perfect. I think we are the same way - Z would def spank me if I asked out of Dd but I love who we have become with Dd. We have both grown so much...

  8. Because I am so new to DD and blogging im slowly going through some older posts of the blogs that i follow. This being one of them and you totally put it into words exactly how i feel. So well said. Its exactly how I feel. And because we are new to DD hubby is finding it hard (but slowly getting easier and easier with it) to come to terms with my need for discipline. Reading back on some of my earlier comments I can see a change already and it feels so good to my heart. Thank for this post. I will keep coming back to it.
    Love and hugs xxx

  9. P.S. I like your background on your blog - you have good taste ;) (its same as mine hehe) x

  10. Thank you for this post. I've been questioning whether DD is right for us, mainly because of my arousal at being spanked, or really even the thought of it. I guess it doesn't take much for me!

  11. JW- I really love your blog, you are a very good writer and I can really "see" each moment how you describe them. Looks like DD is definitely working for you guys and your communication, like so many others have already noted is great in your marriage. I have been looking into DD myself and it actually spawned from how much I love being spanked as well. I love love love it. I am a "naturally" submissive wife. I think our relationship started this way, with my recognizing his authority and obeying, due to our 15 year age difference. I am 26 he is 41. I am also christian and feel it is my reaponsibilty as a wife to respect my husband and Submit to him. When I presented DD to him he seemed to like it for the sexual aspects...sexual spankings etc. he said he does not like the idea of punishing me and he doesn't want to "treat me like a child". He also thinks nothing would really change about our relationship because I am already submissive to him. Of course I don't see it as treating me like a child and I know no one here does either. There are times when I am definitely less than an angel and give him attitude and take my frustration out on him. His discipline in those times, even if they are rare, would keep me from saying things I will feel bad about later. How can I present this to him again in a way that sounds less like a parent/child kind of relationship??