This is the journey of one control freak wife and one gentle spirited husband as they seek to balance their

roles in their home
and bring an extra measure of joy to their already happy marriage.

Saturday, August 6, 2011

peaceful reconnection

If you have been married for any length of time, then it will have happened to you...the craziness of life and the distance with your spouse that it sometimes creates.

First I got really sick, then Steve did.  One of our key employees tells us that he is going to require surgery and medical treatment that is going to keep him out for twelve to sixteen weeks.  We're very worried about him and worried about surviving without him while he's out.  My mother ends up having a personal emergency that I had to leave for a couple of days to take care of and rush back in time to take my thirteen year to the airport for an event she was attending in Michigan. Then we had two more to get packed up for summer camp for a week. Then we had two crucial business deadlines to meet. This combined with a few more situations all occured in the span of eleven days.  The only words to describe it were crazy and chaotic. 

Needless to say that despite having the house completely to ourselves on night of the eleventh day, we might have just as well been on different planets for as much interest as we had in each other.

"Wow, the distance is palpable."

"Yeh, it is.  Let's get a good night's sleep, and we'll work on it over the weekend."

We spent the next couple of days talking, snuggling, kissing, and finally making love.  It wasn't until we were really reconnected that Steve asked if I would like some maintenance.  

He pulled out my absolute favorite...his belt.  

It was a fantastic session although it was more difficult to tolerate after two weeks of nothing.  Steve could tell so he switched back and forth between his belt and his hand.  He rubbed my bottom a lot more too.   

What was interesting to me was that the resumption of our dd lifestyle was the result of our peaceful reconnection and not the other way around.  

I know there are critics who think that dd or variations thereof are a sign or symptom of a disfunctional relationship, and as with everything I'm sure there are some those out there. However, I do think that Steve and I are a good example of how it is a reflection of a healthy marriage that is being enhanced, and there are numerous other blogs out there that demonstrate the same. 

It is a relief for me to know that even if we stopped dd tomorrow, we still have the skills to heal the chasms when they occur.  That's important because life will continue to be crazy and stretch us in every direction imaginable.

I hope, though, that we don't stop, because I sure do enjoy the warmth in my heart [and other places ;) ] that comes from a warm bottom!


  1. That's very good, that if you stopped you have retained the skills to stay connected and reset when needed.

  2. For as long as I can remember, Jared and I have used a silly hand gesture to communicate that life has gotten crazy and we need to reconnect. Words aren't necessary when one of us signals to the other.

    DD is great, but it works better for us if we're already in sync! Glad to have you back!

  3. "I know there are critics who think that dd or variations thereof are a sign or symptom of a disfunctional relationship"

    JW, you know in your heart what is right and healthy and good for you. Follow your gut! I am glad you had a nice reconnect. We're working on that right now. Sara

  4. Hi JW, I'm new to the blogging world since you last posted, although I've been reading your blogs for quite some time. Things surely were crazy and chaotic for you and Steve. I'd wondered why we hadn't heard from you in a while. I'm glad to hear you've reconnected, and in such a wonderful way :-)


  5. Isn't it comforting to know that even though life is completely crazy, you have an oasis in your marriage? Glad you got to reconnect! Good luck with all the other stressors...hope it settles soon.

  6. Hi, I'm new to the blogging aspect as well. I have given my husband your blog address to have him read it. That was 2 days ago. I sent it to him in an email. He has opened the email, but not sure yet if he's read anything yet.

    I started talking about this last year. However, he has never really understood, went along to a point, but it was more frustrating than necessary, so I dropped it. But it has never left my mind.

    So, I started searching and found your site. You and your wonderful husband sound a lot like us in that my husband is wonderful, extremely thoughtful and loving. I am hoping that he reads your blog and can see that I really don't want to be the dominate one, that I need his "guiding hand" in more ways than one!

    So keep up the great work (sorry for the long post).

  7. Enjoyed reading your blog/thread. My first time on here. My husband and I are in a DD Relationship as well. I'm still working on the "showing respect" part of it. Thanks for sharing. Ney

  8. That is so sweet. The belt is your favorite? Maybe my DH is not using it correctly, hmmmmmmm??

    I don't believe it is dysfunctional. I grew up around dysfunctional ways, the connection and security coming from what we do makes it different. I still have trouble calling it DD, I don't know why. We never called it anything before, it just was what we were.

    It is nice you found a way to reconnect.


  9. Just thought I'd stop by and tell you I miss reading your posts, Julia. Hope all is well with you and Steve and that we'll soon be hearing from you again :-)

  10. Just wondering wher eyou have gone to, its been a while since we heard from you
    love and hugs kiwi xxx

  11. I have been reading up on your musings. I am guessing that you will not be reading this anytime soon, but I wish to convey that out of all of the DD D/s blogs that I have read, I feel as if yours in the most relatable. My previous relationship was a female led relationship. I submitted to her much the to the same effectiveness that you do with your husband. I relate to the title “Growing with Discipline" because after a fashion, it's something that we evolved over time. I do not know how much is to much to share (let's just say that my mouth has landed me in much trouble in the past). We both agreed it would be good for me to submit to her, it provided valuable incite to our psyche. I will say for one, she never punished her daughter's with spankings it was something that I alone received. I felt loved and nourished by her and was welcomed with open arms into her family. I will share something that occurred that was a bit awkward, a few years after we had both agreed that the relationship and run its course (nothing by which was because of the DD aspect). Her oldest daughter and I were in college together (her daughter at this point was 18 and I was 28, her mother 43) the daughter approched me about that aspect of our relationship, she told me that she overheard a few of my spankings and inquired a bit about it. Her inquiry was mostly because of why, I explained to her basically the fact that her mother gave me the love and guidance in a manner that I needed in that point in my life, I also stated that I was greatful that she never hit her or her sisters, I basically conveyed that as two consenting adults (she was very sex positive with her daughter and made sure she understood the needs for consent in a relationship.) I emphasized that I was greatful for erevything that she did for me and I was greatful that she still welcomes me in her life as a friend. I recently found a friend that I see from time to time to give me the guidance that I need in my life, and it is strictly that. I miss the bonded aspect of the relationship. Perhaps I will find one again in the future. Perhaps you will update this in the future as well.