anti-climatic

Last night ended up being anti-climatic. We were both exhausted from the day's activities. I went to bed after posting last night and was expecting to be dragged out of bed in the middle of the night. Fortunately, I was not.  Steve fell asleep on the couch playing video games and ended up not coming to bed until 4:00am.  

It was only a temporary reprieve.

First thing this morning... "Sorry I fell asleep, but I'm going to make up for it today. Come bend over the bed.  I'm going to start out by giving you some strokes with the cane.  You're going to have to stay silent because the children haven't left yet."    He gave me 10 hard strokes.  It took everything in me not to make noise.  We didn't have time to talk so we just embraced and headed over to the office.

"Meet me at the house for lunch."   He was already putting some lunch together for us when I got there. "Drop your pants."   He was holding a pancake turner in his hand. I got a quick but painful spanking with it. "We still have a long way to go, but that is going to have to wait until tonight. Let's eat lunch and talk."

"I'm feeling some resistance from you.  I thought this was what you wanted from me.  I thought you wanted for me to take charge, but the last couple of times I have put my foot down on something I'm seeing negative body language from you.  I'm confused."

"I'm sorry.  It probably is confusing.  Yes, as you are becoming more and more comfortable with your role as HoH, and the true power shift is becoming more and more of a reality, I am having more and more difficulty being submissive.  Please don't think I've changed my mind.  It's just harder than it was.  I have been in charge of all aspects of our lives for fifteen years.  It is hard to surrender, but I'm still committed to this."

"That's all I wanted to know. Since that is the case, there are some things that I feel we really need to address. You were really disrespectful yesterday and some of your actions were also dangerous. It's going to have to wait until after all the kids are in bed and C gets home.  We'll have to wait for her because we'll need to go over to the office.  This will be the hardest spanking I've ever given you, and I don't want us to have to worry about it if you cry out loudly. How do you feel about that?"

"I was afraid that was what you were going to say, and at the same time, afraid that wasn't what you were going to say.  I'm nervous about it, but I trust you and I'm positive that at this critical juncture that is exactly what needs to happen and that I need to submit to it."

"Ok, then that is what is going to happen. I love you so much."

"I love you more."  "I doubt that. [grin]"   He pulled me over his knee and gave me a quick but firm hand spanking.  Let's get back to work before they think we're playing hooky this afternoon."  

I now have about an hour more to wait, and I'm really getting nervous.  I don't want anyone to think that I'm afraid.  Steve would never cause me injury, but I know we are going to be crossing into new territory on our journey.  We're both going to do some growing tonight.